WWE2K UNIVERSE

Author: Maria Cristina Aguillera

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN: HISOKA INTERVIEWS GOKU

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

LOCATION: DENVER, COLORADO

DATE: APRIL 27, 2001

The final stop before Backlash is here! The high altitude of Denver is nothing compared to the soaring tensions in the locker room. Shane McMahon is in the producer’s chair, and his sense of humor is all over the show.

[[ THE INTERVIEW: THE KID SENSATION & THE CREEP ]]

The show opens with a bright, upbeat theme… and then the camera cuts to a makeshift set in the middle of the ring. Goku is sitting on a stool, swinging his legs, while Hisoka stands next to him holding a pink, glittery microphone.

HISOKA: (Licking his lips, leaning uncomfortably close to Goku) “Mmm… the fans want to know, little one. You are so… small, yet you carry such a… heavy presence. At Backlash, you face Ryu for the Cruiserweight Title. Tell me… does your heart beat faster when you think about his… Hadou? Does it make you want to… burst?”

GOKU: (Grinning, completely oblivious to the creepiness) “I’m just excited! Ryu is super strong! I’ve been training really hard, and I even found a place that serves 20 bowls of ramen in 10 minutes! Hey, do you want to spar? You have a really weird vibe, but you look like you know some tricks!”

HISOKA: (Giggling into the mic) “Oh… I have many tricks, Goku. But I’m saving my… best ones… for a very special occasion. Back to you, JR.”

JIM ROSS: (Sounding like he wants to quit) “I need a drink. A large one. Why is this happening? Shane, if you’re listening, please… send out a wrestler. Any wrestler.”

[[ THE MIDCARD: THE MEAT GRINDER ]]

As requested, the midcard was a display of “Gatekeeper Dominance.”

  • HAKU and RILE absolutely dismantled two local developmental prospects in under three minutes.

  • THE BIG SHOW walked out, gave a “Chokeslam” to a hopeful rookie before the bell even rang, and just walked back to the locker room.

  • The message is clear: If you aren’t signed, stay out of the ring. The “Golden Age” of prospects is being met with a wall of WWF muscle.

[[ THE MAIN EVENT: THE MASTERS’ CLINIC ]]

MATCHUP: KEN MASTERS (USA) vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG (UK)

THE STORY:

The Bulldog is still fuming over his loss to Ryu at Clash at the Castle. He thinks these “Street Fighters” are a fluke. He challenged Ken, thinking the American was the “weaker” of the duo.

THE MATCH:

Buldog starts out incredibly strong. He uses his power advantage to keep Ken in a prolonged vertical suplex, holding him up for a full 20 seconds to show off. He’s playing to the crowd, mocking Ken’s “flamboyant” red gi.

THE TURNING POINT:

Bulldog goes for the Running Powerslam, but he takes a split second too long to taunt the front row. Just like his fight with Ryu, his overconfidence is his undoing. Ken flips out of the slam, lands on his feet, and immediately connects with a Shoryuken (Rising Dragon Punch) to the chin!

Unlike Ryu’s bloody war, Ken stays clean. He’s faster, more precise. He follows up with a Tatsumaki Senpukyaku (Hurricane Kick) that sends the Bulldog staggering into the ropes. Ken finishes him off with a lightning-fast roll-up, bridge included.

RESULT: KEN MASTERS wins via Pinfall (12:30).

[[ POST-MATCH ANALYSIS ]]

JOE ROGAN: “Did you see that?! Ken didn’t even break a sweat! Bulldog is a legendary powerhouse, but he’s fighting like it’s 1992. These guys—Ken, Ryu, Goku—they aren’t ‘wrestlers’ in the traditional sense. They are combat specialists. They wait for you to make one mistake, and then they delete you.”

TASS: “Bulldog looked like he was winning, Michael! He had him! But he just had to stop and pose! You can’t pose against a guy who can punch a hole through a brick wall!”

MICHAEL COLE: “The Street Fighters are 2-0 against the British Bulldog. The learning curve is over. They have officially adjusted to the WWF ring.”

[[ SMACKDOWN SCOREBOARD: THE GO-HOME SHOW COMPLETE ]]

FIGHTER RECORD STATUS
KEN MASTERS 1-0 Proved the ‘Street Fighter’ style is no fluke.
BRITISH BULLDOG LOSS Likely headed for a breakdown.
GOKU READY Completely unfazed by Hisoka’s weirdness.

THE GHOST OF HULKAMANIA: A REFLECTION ON THE FALL OF THE ICON

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

POSTED BY: The Squared Circle Truth DATE: April 2, 2026 TOPIC: WrestleMania X-Seven / The World Cup Elite 8

[[ THE UNTHINKABLE SILENCE ]]

They say you never forget the sound of a legend breaking.

Last night in the Astrodome, it wasn’t a roar. It wasn’t a cheer. It was a cold, hollow silence that sucked the air out of 67,000 pairs of lungs. When the referee’s hand hit the mat for the three-count, and Andre the Giant stood over the motionless body of Hulk Hogan, the “Golden Era” didn’t just end—it was buried under 520 pounds of French steel.

Hulk Hogan, the #1 Pound-for-Pound King, the man who defined the WWF for decades, is out of the World Cup. And for the first time in his career, he looks… human.

[[ THE ANATOMY OF THE UPSET ]]

We all saw the signs in February. When Vader handed Hogan his first-ever WWF defeat at the Elimination Chamber, we called it a fluke. We said Hulk was “off his game.” We blamed the altitude. We made excuses because we needed to believe the Immortal was still immortal.

But Andre didn’t offer any excuses. He offered a reality check.

Hogan’s “Hulk Up” usually feels like a force of nature—a spiritual awakening that defies physics. But last night, when the finger pointed and the head shook, Andre didn’t blink. He didn’t sell the punch. He simply swatted it away like a man annoyed by a fly. Watching Hogan realize that his “spirit” couldn’t overcome Andre’s sheer mass was the most uncomfortable 15 minutes of wrestling I have ever witnessed.

[[ THE AGE OF THE NEW KINGS ]]

The irony of the night is staggering. While Hogan was being carried out with shattered ribs and a shattered ego, The Rock was tying Hogan’s record of 8 straight wins. While the “Old Lion” was whimpering, Ryu was capturing the Undisputed Title from a monster Hogan couldn’t beat.

The locker room has changed. The “alliances” Hisoka whispered about in the shadows? They couldn’t save Hogan. The “Nostrade Predictions”? They saw this coming. We are living in a world where “Hulkamania” is a nostalgic t-shirt, not a winning strategy.

[[ THE VERDICT: IS THE SUN SETTING? ]]

“I am just an actor… but today, I was a Filipino.” — Erap

Even the former President, bloodied and beaten by Balrog, showed more “heart” in defeat than Hogan showed in his clinical dismantling by Andre. Hogan didn’t lose a fight last night; he lost his aura.

As Andre moves on to face Son Goku in a Semi-Final that feels like a clash of gods, Hogan is left in a hospital bed in Houston, staring at a ceiling and wondering if the “24-inch pythons” have finally run out of venom.

The King is dead. Long live the Great One. Long live the Ansatsuken. And God help whoever has to stand in Andre’s way next.

[[ COMMUNITY POLL: Is it time for Hogan to hang up the boots? Or can the Immortal find one last ‘Hulk Up’ in him? Sound off in the comments below! ]]

AMERICAN “WRESTLING” IS FOR LITTLE CHILDREN

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

The camera shakes as it focuses on the massive, scarred frame of Zangief. He is currently lifting a confused-looking brown bear over his head in the middle of a blizzard. He drops the bear (who scurries away) and leans into the lens, his face turning a deep shade of red.

[[ ON THE MCMAHON FAMILY SOAP OPERA ]]

“I watch this Extreme Rules from my training camp in Russia, and I spit! I spit on this ‘American Drama’! You tell me Vince McMahon ‘resigns’ from board, but he is still in ring? He is making his daughter the referee? This is not sport! This is not wrestling! This is… how you say… Days of Our Lives with folding chairs!”

“In Mother Russia, if boss is no good, we throw him to wolves! We do not give him 20-minute match where he survives ‘Pedigree’ on table! Bah! And the daughter? A referee? Is conflict of interest! My iron body is for fighting, not for acting in soap opera. This is why American wrestling is like baby food—too much soft talking, not enough spinning piledrivers!”

[[ ON THE ROCK VS. KIMBO SLICE ]]

“People tell me, ‘Zangief, you must see Rock and Kimbo! It is best match!’ I watch. It is okay. The Rock has good muscles, yes. He has long reach. He uses brain to beat the street man. But Kimbo Slice? He is just brawler. He has no technique! He has ‘Kill Switch’? I have Final Atomic Buster! If Kimbo Slice tries ‘ground and pound’ on Zangief, I grab his beard and I spin him until he sees the Northern Lights!”

“The Microsoft software says Rock has advantage? Hah! Software does not know the power of the Soviet Heart! But I give credit—The Rock is becoming real warrior. He has ‘dog’ in him, even if he wears too much expensive silk shirt.”

[[ ON THE ANTI-CLIMACTIC MAIN EVENT ]]

“Two minutes? TWO MINUTES?!“

(Zangief slams a fist into a nearby pine tree, snapping it in half.)

“Undertaker and Mankind… I hear stories of them falling from cages and losing ears. I sit down with my vodka to watch war, and it is over before I finish my first drink! This is insult to the fans! If I am in Denver, I jump in ring and I wrestle BOTH of them for one hour! You do not end ‘Extreme Rules’ with a quick pinfall. You end it when no one can stand! Is lazy! Is weak!”

[[ ON THE ENIGMA: KIM-SOLO ]]

“Now… we talk of the North Korean. Kim-Solo. You ask if he is legit? You ask if Zangief knows him?”

(Zangief stops shouting. His expression turns uncharacteristically serious.)

“I have seen this man. Before WWF finds him, I see him in underground tournament in Vladivostok. He does not speak. He does not smile. He fights like machine programmed for one thing: Efficiency. Most wrestlers, they want to show off. Kim-Solo? He wants to break your joints and go home. He is very legit. He is very dangerous. Rey Mysterio is fast, but you cannot outrun a man who treats every match like a military operation. WWF should be careful—they think they ‘hired’ a fighter, but they may have invited a wolf into the sheep pen.”

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: Zangief is clearly not a fan of the “Entertainment” in World Wrestling Entertainment. But his confirmation of Kim-Solo’s past in Vladivostok adds a dark layer to the newcomer’s reputation! ]]

JRE #2451 – THE MUAY THAI MYTH? LAWLER VS. ROGAN

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! This just hit the Spotify servers. Joe sat down with the legendary Jerry “The King” Lawler, and the conversation got heated fast. They weren’t talking about puppets or crowns—they were debating the fall of the “God of Muay Thai” after that Big Show demolition.

Here’s the transcript of the most controversial segment.

[[ PODCAST SCRIPT: JRE #2451 ]]

(Sound of a heavy glass being set on a wooden table. The hum of high-end studio equipment.)

JOE ROGAN: …But Jerry, you’re looking at the result and ignoring the biology. People are acting like Sagat just forgot how to fight. You have to look at the Ryu Injury. That chest scar isn’t just cosmetic, man. When Ryu hit him with that Shoryuken, it did structural damage to his sternum and his intercostal muscles.

JERRY LAWLER: (Laughing) Joe, please! We’ve all had ‘structural damage.’ I’ve been hit by piledrivers that would turn a normal man into a accordion. The fact is, Sagat walked into that ring with an ego bigger than his 7-foot frame, and he ran into a 500-pound reality check. Big Show didn’t just beat him; he exposed him.

JOE ROGAN: Exposed him as what? A human? Look, Big Show is a freak of nature. He’s a 1-of-1 human being. But Sagat was laboring, Jerry. He was slow. Prime Sagat—the guy who was clearing out the tiger camps in Thailand—that guy moves like a cat. The guy we saw in Dallas was a guy who was still favoriting his ribcage. If Sagat is 100% healthy, he’s chopping Big Show’s legs down like a redwood tree in three rounds. It’s physics, man!

JERRY LAWLER: You talk about ‘Prime Sagat’ like he’s an ancient relic, Joe! The man is 32 years old. In the world of the ‘Gonzaga Protocol,’ 32 is the absolute peak of physical maturity. You can’t use age or an old scar as an excuse when you’re in your prime years. The truth is, Sagat is used to fighting guys who are 5’8″ and 140 pounds in Bangkok. He came to the WWF, he saw a guy who could actually look him in the eye, and he froze. He’s a bully who got bullied.

JOE ROGAN: (Leaning into the mic) That’s such a ‘Wrestling’ take, Jerry. ‘He’s a bully.’ No, he’s a specialized striker. When you’re a specialist and your primary weapon—the clinch knee—can’t reach the guy’s solar plexus because he’s too damn big, you have to pivot. Sagat didn’t have his corner. He didn’t have a plan B.

JERRY LAWLER: That’s exactly my point! If you’re the ‘God of Muay Thai’ and you don’t have a Plan B for a giant, you’re overrated! Look at Agatom. Look at The Prototype. Those guys are evolving every week. Sagat is stuck in the past, thinking his ‘Tiger Knee’ is a magic spell. Big Show showed us that a good old-fashioned powerbomb beats a ‘Tiger Hunt’ any day of the week.

JOE ROGAN: I disagree, man. I really do. I think we’re going to see Sagat go back to the lab. I think he’s going to watch the tape of that loss every day for a year. If he adapts—if he learns the sprawl and works on his lateral movement—he’s still the most dangerous striker on the P4P Index. You can’t write off a guy with that kind of power because of one bad night against a literal giant.

JERRY LAWLER: Well, until he proves it, Joe, he’s just a tall guy with an eye patch and a lot of excuses. I’ll take the Big Show over the ‘God of Muay Thai’ ten times out of ten.

JOE ROGAN: (Laughs) We’ll see, man. We’ll see. It’s entirely possible… but I think you’re wrong.

[[ THE THREAD: OVERRATED OR INJURED? ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

“A BULLEY WHO GOT BULLIED!” 👊 Lawler is spitting facts! 32 is NOT old. Sagat just underestimated the WWF heavyweights. He thought he was the only giant in the world.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Joe has a point about the Ryu scar though. 🐉 If you’ve ever had a rib injury, you know you can’t breathe, let alone throw a knee at a 500lb man. Sagat was definitely off his game.

User: HadoukenKid

I love that Rogan is defending the “Science” of Muay Thai. 🥋 But Lawler is right about the Gonzaga Protocol—it’s evolve or die. If Sagat stays the same, he’s going to lose to Vader next.

User: BeefSlammer69

BIG SHOW IS THE NEW GOD!! 👊😤 Who cares about “Tiger Knees” when you can just throw a guy 20 feet? Lawler won this debate. Sagat is 0-1 in the big leagues.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: Sagat reportedly listened to this podcast in his hospital bed. Sources say he didn’t say a word, just started doing sit-ups with his ribs still taped. The King of Muay Thai is mad! ]]

THE SUMMERSLAM SHAKEUP: KURT ANGLE’S DISMISSAL & THE BRAZILIAN BEAST

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! The dust hasn’t even settled from the Erap/Estregan fight and the WWF landscape is already shifting. We’ve got champions looking down their noses at newcomers, tag teams falling apart, and rumors of a “Green Monster” lurking in the Amazon.

I’ve been tracking the wires and the street fighter forums all night. Here is the latest from the Underground.

[[ THE FORECAST: AGATOM VS. ERAP ]]

The “Philippine Selection” Match (Date: TBD)

The bookies in Manila and Davao are already putting out lines for this hypothetical clash to see who represents the Philippines in 2001.

  • AGATOM (-250 FAVORITE): The youth, the Mt. Apo cardio, and the “Gonzaga Protocol” ranking. Agatom is the future of the light-heavyweights.

  • ERAP (+180 UNDERDOG): Never count out the “Asiong” factor. His win over Estregan proved he still has the “Masses” power, but can he keep up with Agatom’s 15-foot aerials?

  • THE VERDICT: Agatom is favored to win via decision, but a single “Asiong” slam from Erap could cause the biggest upset in Asian wrestling history.

[[ THE ANGLE REACTION: “WHO IS AGATOM?” ]]

KURT ANGLE was caught by reporters heading into training for his SummerSlam main event against RVD for the vacant Light Heavyweight World Title.

REPORTER: “Kurt, Agatom said on the Rogan podcast that he wants you next. He’s coming for the winner of your match with RVD.”

KURT ANGLE: (Laughs, adjusting his gold medal) > “Agatom? Is that a brand of vitamins? Look, I just beat John Cena—a real athlete. I’m focused on Rob Van Dam and the Light Heavyweight Title. That belt is my ticket to the Undisputed World Championship (UWC). I don’t have time for ‘volcano runners’ from the Philippines. If he wants a piece of an Olympic Gold Medalist, he can stand in line behind the rest of the world. Oh, and it’s ‘Angle,’ not ‘Angel.’ Get it right.”

[[ THE STREET FIGHTER EXODUS: TAG TEAM TURMOIL ]]

Rumors are confirmed: Sagat and Ken Masters have officially backed out of their scheduled tag match against The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

  • Sagat is reportedly in a private clinic in Thailand recovering from the “Big Show” demolition.

  • Ken Masters tried to recruit Ryu, but the “Wandering Warrior” declined, stating he has “no interest in the politics of tag team wrestling.”

I managed to get some quick words from the other Street Fighter legends on the circuit:

  • VEGA (The Spaniard): > “A tag match? How pedestrian. Beauty should never be shared. I would rather face the Rock alone so I can carve my initials into that ‘People’s Eyebrow’ without distraction.”

  • GUILE: > “Ken’s looking for help? He should’ve stayed in the gym. I’m not here to carry his weight. I’ve got my sights on the UWC. Tag teams are for those who can’t stand on their own.”

  • E. HONDA: > “Sumo is about the individual! Why would I join a team? If Austin wants to fight, he can meet me in the ring. I don’t need a partner to push a man out of the circle.”

  • ZANGIEF: > “Ha! Ken is weak! In Russia, we wrestle bears alone. I do not need ‘Tag Team.’ I want to see how ‘The Rock’ handles the Final Atomic Buster. Alone!”

[[ THE GLOBAL RUMOR MILL ]]

1. THE NORTH KOREAN CLAIM: Rumors are swirling that a representative from Pyongyang has been in talks with Vince McMahon. Word is the “Supreme Leader” is demanding that a North Korean wrestler be placed directly into the Top 5 of the Pound-for-Pound Index without a single fight, claiming their “State Athlete” is biologically superior to the Western roster.

2. THE BRAZILIAN BEAST: Underground fighters in the Amazon Basin are reporting sightings of a new contender. He’s described as a “Beast with Green Skin” and wild orange hair who can generate electricity from his body. They say he was raised by jaguars and is heading to the US to join the WWF. Could this be the “Blanka” we’ve heard legends about?

[[ THE THREAD: WORLD TITLE FEVER ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KURT ANGLE IS SO ARROGANT! 😤 Calling Agatom a “brand of vitamins”? He’s going to regret that when the Mt. Apo Protocol hits him in the face. Also, RVD vs. Angle at SummerSlam is going to be insane!

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Ken Masters is getting zero respect from his own comrades. 😂 Guile and Zangief basically told him to kick rocks. And this North Korean rumor? Imagine the heat that guy would have in a US arena!

User: HadoukenKid

GREEN SKIN?! 🥋 If the rumors of the Brazilian beast are true, the Super-Heavyweight division just got a lot more “shocking.” I hope he brings that electricity to the ring!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The UWC belt is still vacant, and with Angle, RVD, Rock, and Austin all circling, SummerSlam is looking like the biggest night in WWF history. ]]

THE PYONGYANG PRODIGY & THE AMAZON ANOMALY

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! The wires are absolutely screaming tonight. We went from a “Brotherly Brawl” in Manila to a geopolitical standoff and a cryptozoological sighting in Brazil. The “Gonzaga Protocol” is expanding faster than we can track.

I’ve gathered the stats on the new signings and the fallout from the Tag Team disaster. Here is the breakdown.

[[ THE BRAZILIAN BEAST: “BLANKA” ]]

Scouting Report: Manaus Underground

The rumors were real. WWF scouts in Brazil have officially confirmed the signing of a feral fighter known only as Blanka. They say he survived a plane crash as a boy and was raised in the heart of the Amazon. He isn’t just a wrestler; he’s a force of nature.

  • Height: 6’4″ (192 cm)

  • Weight: 212 lbs (96 kg)

  • Speed: S-Tier. He moves with a “Feral Flow” that makes Agatom look like he’s standing still.

  • Strength: Incredible explosive power. He can launch his entire body like a cannonball.

  • Signature Moves: * Electric Thunder: He can literally discharge high-voltage electricity from his skin. (WWF Legal is still arguing if this is “natural” or a weapon).

    • Rolling Attack: He curls into a ball and launches himself at 60mph.

  • IQ: Low traditional IQ, but Predatory IQ is off the charts. He smells fear.

[[ THE NORTH KOREAN WARRIOR: “KIM-SOLO” ]]

The State-Sponsored Titan

North Korea didn’t just send a wrestler; they sent a “Biological Achievement.” Signed under the name Kim-Solo, he is being billed as the greatest athlete in human history.

  • Height: 6’2″

  • Weight: 235 lbs (Pure muscle, 3% body fat)

  • Speed/Strength: Reportedly maxed out. His state bio claims he can outrun a cheetah and bench press a T-62 tank.

  • IQ: Billed at 200. They claim he mastered Grandmaster Chess at age 4.

  • Combat Record: 500-0 (All in classified state-sanctioned “Life or Death” bouts).

  • Former Sport: Everything. He allegedly holds state records in Archery, Judo, and “Tactical Elimination.”

[[ THE TAG TEAM FALLOUT: KEN MASTERS’ REJECTION ]]

After Sagat backed out to nurse his ribs (courtesy of Big Show), North Korea offered Kim-Solo to be Ken Masters’ partner against Rock and Austin. Ken Masters’ reply was short and legendary:

“I don’t fight with puppets. I’m here to prove the Masters Foundation is the elite, not to be a political billboard for Pyongyang. Tell the ‘Supreme Leader’ he can keep his warrior; I’ll find a partner who fights for himself, or I’ll face those two jabronis alone.”

The Replacement Search: Since Ken’s “Street Fighter” comrades (Guile, Honda, Zangief) all dismissed the tag concept as a “joke,” other fighters have stepped up to fill the void alongside Ken:

  • The Big Boss Man: Offered his “Security Services” to Ken for a fee.

  • Dan Hibiki: Actually begged Ken to let him join. Ken reportedly laughed until he cried and then hung up the phone.

  • Bennie Joe: The Davao boxing legend offered to step in, but WWF doctors won’t clear him for a “Heavyweight” tag match yet.

[[ ADON: THE FALLEN MASTER ]]

I caught up with Adon in the training halls. He was livid, but not for the reason you think.

ADMIN_NEIL: “Adon, are you ashamed of Sagat’s performance against the Big Show? Does it hurt the reputation of Muay Thai?”

ADON: (Spits on the floor) > “Ashamed? I am disgusted! Sagat has grown soft. He let a circus giant throw him like a sack of rice because he has lost his ‘Jaguar’ spirit. Muay Thai is the most elite discipline on Earth, but Sagat is no longer its King. I am not here to ‘avenge’ him. I am here to replace him. I will hunt the Big Show down, not for Sagat’s honor, but to show the world that the disciple is now the Master. Sagat is the past. Adon is the eternal flame!”

[[ THE THREAD: WORLD CHAOS ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KIM-SOLO?! 😂 500-0 record? The North Korean propaganda machine is working overtime. I want to see him try that “Tactical Elimination” on Stone Cold. One Stunner and that 200 IQ goes out the window!

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Blanka is the real threat here. ⚡ If he can actually shock people in the ring, how is that even legal? Agatom vs. Blanka in an aerial battle would be the most insane thing ever filmed.

User: HadoukenKid

Adon is such a snake! 🐍 He’s literally waiting for his master to fail so he can swoop in. But honestly? Adon vs. Big Show would be a classic “Speed vs. Size” match. I want to see those Jaguar Kicks!

User: BeefSlammer69

KEN MASTERS REJECTING THE DICTATOR!! 👊😤 That’s my Action King! Ken might be arrogant, but at least he’s got his own code. Who’s he going to pick now? If it’s not a Street Fighter, maybe he should call The Prototype?

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing a rumor that Ken Masters has been seen talking to a “masked luchador” from the Mexican underground. Could the replacement be coming from the South? ]]

THE SUMMERSLAM PRESSER: Blanka, Kim-Solo, Ken’s Partner Revealed

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! The official SummerSlam press conference just wrapped up at the MGM Grand, and it was pure lunacy. We had a feral man from the jungle, a state-sponsored “super-soldier,” and finally—finally—an answer to Ken Masters’ tag team dilemma.

The “Gonzaga Protocol” was in full effect as the media grilled the new signings. Here is the breakdown of the most explosive press conference in WWF history.

[[ THE REVEAL: KEN MASTERS’ PARTNER ]]

Ken Masters walked onto the stage alone, looking smug as ever. But when the music hit—a heavy, rhythmic mix of mariachi and metal—the building shook. Out walked a man in a shimmering gold-and-silver mask.

THE PARTNER: EL FUERTE. The Mexican “Lucha-Cook” and underground legend has officially signed. Ken grabbed the mic:

“You jabronis thought I was stuck? I didn’t need a dictator’s puppet or a sumo. I needed speed. I needed someone who cooks in the ring and in the kitchen. Rock, Austin… SummerSlam just became a 5-star buffet, and you’re the main course.”

[[ THE NEW BLOOD: STATS & SCOUTING ]]

The WWF confirmed that Blanka and Kim-Solo will face off at SummerSlam in a “Contract on a Pole” match. The winner gets a 3-year guaranteed deal; the loser goes back to the qualifiers.

1. THE “AMAZON BEAST”: BLANKA

The rumors of “mutant powers” were debunked, but the reality is scarier.

  • The Reality: He is Jimmy, the 1970s plane crash survivor. He didn’t turn green from lightning—it’s a ritualistic toxic frog-skin pigment used by the tribes that raised him. It acts as a natural camouflage and skin irritant to opponents.

  • The “Electricity”: He doesn’t generate it. He uses static-conductive wristbands and a friction-based fighting style that creates painful static shocks on contact.

  • Stats: 6’4”, 212 lbs. Predatory Speed (A+). Strength (B+).

  • Combat Record: Unofficial. Reported to have cleared out three “Vale Tudo” gyms in Brazil in a single afternoon.

2. THE “PYONGYANG PRODIGY”: KIM-SOLO

Standing next to the American heavyweights, Kim-Solo didn’t look like the “giant” the state media claimed.

  • Height: 6’2” (Confirmed).

  • Weight: 235 lbs.

  • IQ: Claimed 200. (He spent the presser silently solving a Rubik’s cube with one hand).

  • The Vibe: Stoic. Robotic. He carries a small red book at all times.

[[ THE PRESS CONFERENCE Q&A ]]

REPORTER (TMZ): “Kim-Solo, you’re 6’2”. In the WWF, that’s almost a cruiserweight. How are you going to handle guys like Vader or The Big Show who are nearly a foot taller than you?”

KIM-SOLO: (Through a translator, cold stare) > “Size is a bourgeois measurement. In Pyongyang, we are taught that the heart of the State is larger than any mountain. I do not see ‘Giants.’ I see targets with inefficient centers of gravity. My IQ allows me to predict a 500-pound man’s movement three steps before he makes it. I am not here to grow; I am here to conquer.”

REPORTER (ESPN): “Blanka, you lived with tribes and jaguars. How do you adjust to the rules of a WWF ring? No biting? No scratching?”

BLANKA: (Snarling, crouching on his chair) > “Cage is cage. Jungle is jungle. In jungle, if you don’t bite, you die. Promoter tell me: ‘Jimmy, if you win, you find mother.’ I win. I don’t care about rules. I only care about the hunt.”

[[ ADON’S AMBITION: MUAY THAI REDEMPTION ]]

Adon was in the front row, heckling the proceedings. I caught him as he was leaving.

ADMIN_NEIL: “Adon, Sagat is still in the hospital. Are you really going after the Big Show alone?”

ADON: > “Sagat is a disgrace! He let a ‘Wrestler’ prove superiority. Muay Thai is the Eight Limbs of God! At SummerSlam, I will show that speed and precision can cut down any tree. I am not ‘avenging’ Sagat. I am erasing his failure. I will restore the honor of the jaguar, and then I will take my place at the top of the P4P Index. Watch me!”

[[ THE THREAD: BETTING ON THE BEAST ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

EL FUERTE?! 🌮 That’s a wild choice for Ken Masters. The speed in that tag match is going to be off the charts. Rock and Austin better start practicing their “Lucha” defense!

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Kim-Solo looks like a T-1000. 🤖 He didn’t blink once during the whole presser. But Blanka… man, that green paint is intimidating. If it really irritates the skin, Kim-Solo is going to have a hard time grappling him.

User: HadoukenKid

“Size is a bourgeois measurement.” 😂 Best quote of the year. Kim-Solo is a quote machine. But he’s right—Kurt Angle is 5’10” and he dominates. Size isn’t everything in the Gonzaga era.

User: BeefSlammer69

ADON VS BIG SHOW!! 👊😤 Make it happen, Vince! I want to see if those Muay Thai elbows can reach Big Show’s chin. SummerSlam is shaping up to be a global war!

THE “ROGAN” RONDOWN—OCTAGON INTERVIEWS FROM DALLAS!

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! To complete our “Old School Combat” vibe for this PPV, I’ve got the transcripts from the post-fight Octagon interviews. Forget the standard locker room promos—Joe Rogan was in the ring, mic in hand, looking like a kid in a candy store. He was obsessed with the physics, the “high-level” techniques, and the sheer violence.

Here is how Joe broke it down with the winners (and a few stunned losers) immediately after the bells rang.

[[ 1. OPENING: 8-MAN MONEY IN THE BANK ]]

(Joe is standing with a triumphant Steven Seagal, while medical staff help Agatom in the background.)

JOE ROGAN: > “I’m here with the winner, Steven Seagal. Steven, that was absolute, high-level chaos. You were observing from the outside, utilizing what looked like incredible spatial awareness before moving in. But man, the chair! You grabbed that steel chair and just went to work. Was that a pre-planned martial arts strategy or pure survival instinct?”

SEAGAL: > “It’s about the flow of energy, Joe. The chair is just an extension of my arm…”

JOE ROGAN: > “It’s insane! And look at the replay! Zulu Jr. is literally falling 15 feet because you timed that ladder push perfectly. You’re back in the WWF, you’ve got the contract… HE’S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!“

[[ 2. BUTTERBEAN VS. BIRDIE ]]

(Joe is looking at a massive, bleeding Birdie while Butterbean is being helped to a stool.)

JOE ROGAN: > “I’m here with Birdie. Dude, you just took shots from a guy who has ‘Delete’ buttons in both hands. We saw your head snap back from a Butterbean right hand, and you didn’t even blink. Then you land that headbutt—it sounded like a baseball bat hitting a pumpkin! How is your skull not fractured right now?”

BIRDIE: > “Me ‘ead is harder than his fists, mate.”

JOE ROGAN: > “It’s unbelievable. One of the greatest displays of chin we’ve ever seen in the super-heavyweight division. Birdie just pulled off a massive upset!”

[[ 3. KANE VS. VADER ]]

(Joe is standing next to a breathing, snorting Vader. Kane has already retreated to the shadows.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Vader, that was a demolition. We’ve seen Kane destroy people on the regional circuit, but you just treated him like a child. You’re over 400 pounds and you’re moving with the agility of a much smaller man. Talk us through that power—it looked like Kane had no answer for the sheer pressure you were putting on him.”

VADER: > “Who’s next, Joe? That’s all I want to know.”

JOE ROGAN: > “I mean, look at that! He’s just a physical specimen. The ‘Mastodon’ is back and he is terrifying!”

[[ 4. KURT ANGLE VS. JOHN CENA ]]

(Joe has the mic between a sweaty Angle and a surprisingly composed John Cena.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Kurt, you got the win with the Ankle Lock, but man… John Cena. John, you’re a newcomer, but you just went 15 minutes of high-level grappling with an Olympic Gold Medalist. Kurt, did this kid surprise you with his strength? Because at one point, it looked like he was going to power out of a technical masterpiece.”

ANGLE: > “He’s got the ‘Ruthless Aggression,’ Joe, but he doesn’t have the gold.”

JOE ROGAN: > “John, let me talk to you—WELCOME TO THE WWF. That was an incredible performance. You’re 23 years old and you just pushed the best wrestler on the planet to the limit. That was world-class!”

[[ 5. TRIPLE H VS. X-PAC ]]

(Joe is in the center of the “Kliq” hug. He looks slightly confused by the sudden friendship.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Hunter, you dominated that match. You said you were ‘The Game’ and you proved it. But what are we seeing here? You just spent 20 minutes trying to end X-Pac’s career, and now you’re hugging Scott Hall and Shawn Michaels? Is the ‘Mafia’ taking over the locker room tonight?”

TRIPLE H: > “It’s business, Joe. And business is good.”

JOE ROGAN: > “It’s wild! The crowd is literally split down the middle. This is a bizarre turn of events for the hierarchy of the WWF!”

[[ 6. BRET HART VS. ROWDY PIPER ]]

(Joe is with Bret Hart, who is adjusting his shades.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Bret, ‘The Excellence of Execution.’ We saw some uncharacteristic mistakes tonight—timing was off, you pinned him too close to the ropes—was that just the pressure of being back in the ring against a legend like Piper? Or is there something about this new ‘Gonzaga Protocol’ era that’s messing with your rhythm?”

BRET HART: > “I won, Joe. That’s all that matters on the scoresheet.”

JOE ROGAN: > “He’s a legend for a reason! Even on an off night, Bret Hart finds a way to win. Piper is now 0-2 and facing a suspension—this is high-stakes drama, folks!”

[[ 7. YOKOZUNA VS. RIKISHI ]]

(Joe is standing next to a mountain of a man in Yokozuna.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Yokozuna, you just dropped two Banzai Drops on a guy who was supposed to be the ‘Next Big Thing’ in the Samoan family. The impact of those drops… I mean, from a physics standpoint, it’s like a compact car falling from the ceiling. Rikishi looked great early, but you just shut the door. Is Akebono being here the secret to this new intensity?”

YOKOZUNA: > (Banzai!)

JOE ROGAN: > “There you have it! Yokozuna is back in the Top 5 conversation for sure. That was pure, heavy-duty violence!”

[[ THE THREAD: ROGAN’S ENERGY ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

“HE’S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER!” 👊 Joe Rogan swearing on a WWF broadcast is the peak of the year 2000. He’s right though—Seagal is a menace with that chair.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Joe’s interview with Cena was the best part. 🎙️ You could tell he was genuinely impressed by the “Ruthless Aggression.” Rogan loves those “specimen” athletes.

User: HadoukenKid

Did you see Joe’s face when Birdie said his head was harder than Butterbean’s fists? 😂 Rogan looked like he wanted to study Birdie’s skull in a lab.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: Rogan is reportedly staying in Dallas to record a podcast with Agatom and The Prototype. I’d pay good money to hear those three talk about training and Lucha Libre! ]]

THE “FACE THE PAIN” INTRO—THE MID-CARD SURPRISES ARE HERE!

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! I just got a copy of the official PPV opening. The “Mafia” decided to ditch the colorful pyros for a minute and go full “Old School UFC.”

The screen goes black and white. The music starts—that gritty, distorted bass of Stemm’s “Face the Pain.” The lyrics hit (“Time to end this suffering / I need a minute to myself…”) and then we get the quick-cut close-ups of the fighters looking straight into the lens. No scripts. No catchphrases. Just pure, cold intent.

Here is the transcript of the “Gonzaga-Edit” Intro:

[[ THE SUPER-HEAVYWEIGHT TOURNAMENT ]]

(B&W footage of the big men wrapping their hands. The bass is thumping.)

  • SAGAT: > “Height… reach… power. People talk about giants. I have slain giants in the jungles of Thailand. The Big Show is just a larger target for my knee.”

  • THE BIG SHOW: > “I’m not a ‘wrestler.’ I’m a force of nature. Sagat thinks he’s fast? Let’s see how fast he is when I have both hands around his throat.”

  • YOKOZUNA: > “Tradition. Weight. Gravity. You can’t move what you can’t lift. Rikishi is family… but the belt is my only honor tonight.”

  • RIKISHI: > “I’ve spent my life in his shadow. Not anymore. Tonight, the heavy world learns that the ‘Stinkface’ is just the beginning of the end.”

  • VADER: > “It’s time. It’s Vader time. I don’t care about your records. I only care about the sound of your ribs cracking under 450 pounds.”

  • KANE: > “Fire doesn’t have a weight class. It just consumes. Vader is just more fuel for the furnace.”

  • BUTTERBEAN: > “I’ve got four ounces of leather and 400 pounds of muscle. If I touch your chin, the tournament is over. Simple as that.”

  • BIRDIE: > (Grinning through broken teeth) > “Boxers are so predictable. I’ve fought in the dirtiest alleys in London. Butterbean isn’t ready for a real street fight.”

[[ THE SURPRISE MID-CARD SHOWDOWNS ]]

(The music speeds up. The cuts get faster.)

TRIPLE H vs. X-PAC

  • X-PAC: > “We were brothers. DX was our world. But Hunter… you got greedy. You sold out for the suit and the power. Tonight, I’m not ‘X-Pac.’ I’m the guy who’s going to kick your teeth down your throat for forgetting where you came from.”

  • TRIPLE H: > (Smirking, adjusting his tie) > “Sean… you’re a great athlete. But you’re a footnote. I am the story. I am The Game. You’re fighting for ‘the brotherhood.’ I’m fighting for the throne. There’s a difference.”

“THE PROTOTYPE” (JOHN CENA) vs. KURT ANGLE

  • KURT ANGLE: > “I have an Olympic Gold Medal. I have ‘Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence.’ Who are you? Some science experiment from California? You’re in over your head, kid.”

  • THE PROTOTYPE: > (Staring intensely, looking like a literal machine) > “I’m the next evolution. I was built for this. Kurt, you’re the past. I am the Prototype of the future. You have a medal? I have ‘Ruthless Aggression.’ Let’s see which one breaks first.”

BRET “THE HITMAN” HART vs. [REDACTED]

  • BRET HART: > (Lacing his boots slowly) > “I’ve been away. I’ve heard the talk. People say I’m ‘yesterday’s news.’ But I am still the Excellence of Execution. I don’t know who they’re putting in front of me tonight… but whoever it is, they better be ready to tap out. Because I’m not leaving Dallas without a win.”

[[ THE THREAD: FACE THE PAIN REACTION ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

“RUTHLESS AGGRESSION”! 👊 That “Prototype” kid looked like he wanted to eat the camera! And X-Pac calling out Hunter for the DX betrayal? This is getting personal. The “Face the Pain” vibe makes it feel like someone is actually going to get hurt tonight.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Bret Hart’s opponent being redacted is killing me! 😤 Who could it be? If it’s someone like Ken Shamrock or Dan Severn, we might see the most technical match in history. The “Mafia” knows how to keep us guessing!

User: HadoukenKid

Sagat vs. Big Show in B&W looked terrifying. 🐯 Sagat’s eyes are just cold. No blinking. Big Show looks like he’s about to commit a crime. This is way better than the old flashy promos!

User: BeefSlammer69

BUTTERBEAN VS BIRDIE!! 👊😤 “I’ve got four ounces of leather…” Bean is the man! He’s going to KO that punk in the first round. Also, did you see Cena? That dude is huge for a light heavyweight!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The “Prototype” vs Angle match is already being called a “potential 5-star classic” by the scouts. But all eyes are on that Redacted slot for Bret Hart. The rumor is it’s a “Multiverse Legend” making his debut! ]]

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! FAN-VOTED POUND-FOR-POUND TOP 10

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! We just shut down the servers after a 48-hour voting frenzy. The “Gonzaga Protocol” was great for the math geeks, but the fans in the streets—from the internet cafes in Davao to the bars in Chicago—wanted their say.

This isn’t about “Finishing Efficiency” or “Last 5 Records.” This is about Aura, Impact, and who the fans believe is truly the Baddest Man on the Planet. We received over 50,000 votes, and the results are a total middle finger to the official Stamford office!

[[ THE 2000 “VOX POPULI” P4P RANKINGS ]]

Voted by the Fans – July 2000 Edition

Rank Superstar % of Vote Fan Sentiment
1 THE ROCK 32% “The People’s Champ is the only #1. Period.”
2 STONE COLD 28% “He’s coming back for his spot. DTA.”
3 KIMBO SLICE 15% “The scariest man alive. No bells, just fists.”
4 THE UNDERTAKER 10% “The American Badass is pure intimidation.”
5 RYU 5% “The Iron Man of the Rumble. Respect.”
6 KURT ANGLE 4% “Best technical wrestler, even if he’s a dork.”
7 ROB VAN DAM 2% “The Whole F’n Show. Pure adrenaline.”
8 AGATOM 2% “The Pinoy Pride! The underdog hero.”
9 CHUCK NORRIS 1% “He shouldn’t be on a list, he is the list.”
10 TRIPLE H 1% “We hate him, but he’s still the Game.”

[[ ANALYSIS: THE FANS VS. THE ALGORITHM ]]

  • THE ROCK RECLAIMS THE THRONE: While Neil’s code had Kimbo Slice at #1 due to his 3-0 record, the fans don’t care about “efficiency.” They want charisma. The Rock jumped from #2 (Index) to #1 (Fans) because, as one voter put it: “You can’t calculate the People’s Elbow.”

  • THE STONE COLD SURGE: Despite being unranked in many “math-based” lists due to his injury time, the fans voted Steve Austin straight to #2. The “Glass Shatters” factor is stronger than any C++ code.

  • THE “AGATOM” EFFECT: The biggest shock? Agatom made the Top 10! The underground hasn’t forgotten his performance in the Rumble. He beat out legends like Hogan and DiBiase in the popular vote.

  • THE TRIPLE H DISRESPECT: The fans are brutal. Triple H, the man who runs the show, barely scraped into #10 with only 1% of the vote. The “Cerebral Assassin” is officially the most hated man in the multiverse.

[[ THE UNDERGROUND REACTION FEED ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

Finally! A list that makes sense! The Rock at #1 is the only way this ends. I don’t care what a computer says, if you put Rock and Kimbo in a ring, the electricity carries the Great One to the win! 🤨⚡

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Stone Cold at #2 even while he’s still recovering? That shows you how much we miss the Rattlesnake. And Agatom at #8?! 🇵🇭 The Pinoy Pride is real! Let’s see him take that momentum into the Money in the Bank!

User: HadoukenKid

Ryu at #5 is huge. People are starting to realize that the Street Fighters aren’t just “video game characters”—they are elite athletes. Ryu vs. Angle is the technical dream match we need.

User: BeefSlammer69

TRIPLE H AT #10!! 👊😤 Hahaha! The Game is going to be so mad when he sees he’s behind a kid from the Philippines and a guy in a karate gi. Keep voting, people! Let’s push him to #11!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m printing these results and faxing them to Titan Towers. I want Vince to see that the fans trust the “Underground Polls” more than his boardroom meetings. ]]