Yo! To complete our “Old School Combat” vibe for this PPV, I’ve got the transcripts from the post-fight Octagon interviews. Forget the standard locker room promos—Joe Rogan was in the ring, mic in hand, looking like a kid in a candy store. He was obsessed with the physics, the “high-level” techniques, and the sheer violence.
Here is how Joe broke it down with the winners (and a few stunned losers) immediately after the bells rang.
[[ 1. OPENING: 8-MAN MONEY IN THE BANK ]]
(Joe is standing with a triumphant Steven Seagal, while medical staff help Agatom in the background.)
JOE ROGAN: > “I’m here with the winner, Steven Seagal. Steven, that was absolute, high-level chaos. You were observing from the outside, utilizing what looked like incredible spatial awareness before moving in. But man, the chair! You grabbed that steel chair and just went to work. Was that a pre-planned martial arts strategy or pure survival instinct?”
SEAGAL: > “It’s about the flow of energy, Joe. The chair is just an extension of my arm…”
JOE ROGAN: > “It’s insane! And look at the replay! Zulu Jr. is literally falling 15 feet because you timed that ladder push perfectly. You’re back in the WWF, you’ve got the contract… HE’S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!“
[[ 2. BUTTERBEAN VS. BIRDIE ]]
(Joe is looking at a massive, bleeding Birdie while Butterbean is being helped to a stool.)
JOE ROGAN: > “I’m here with Birdie. Dude, you just took shots from a guy who has ‘Delete’ buttons in both hands. We saw your head snap back from a Butterbean right hand, and you didn’t even blink. Then you land that headbutt—it sounded like a baseball bat hitting a pumpkin! How is your skull not fractured right now?”
BIRDIE: > “Me ‘ead is harder than his fists, mate.”
JOE ROGAN: > “It’s unbelievable. One of the greatest displays of chin we’ve ever seen in the super-heavyweight division. Birdie just pulled off a massive upset!”
[[ 3. KANE VS. VADER ]]
(Joe is standing next to a breathing, snorting Vader. Kane has already retreated to the shadows.)
JOE ROGAN: > “Vader, that was a demolition. We’ve seen Kane destroy people on the regional circuit, but you just treated him like a child. You’re over 400 pounds and you’re moving with the agility of a much smaller man. Talk us through that power—it looked like Kane had no answer for the sheer pressure you were putting on him.”
VADER: > “Who’s next, Joe? That’s all I want to know.”
JOE ROGAN: > “I mean, look at that! He’s just a physical specimen. The ‘Mastodon’ is back and he is terrifying!”
[[ 4. KURT ANGLE VS. JOHN CENA ]]
(Joe has the mic between a sweaty Angle and a surprisingly composed John Cena.)
JOE ROGAN: > “Kurt, you got the win with the Ankle Lock, but man… John Cena. John, you’re a newcomer, but you just went 15 minutes of high-level grappling with an Olympic Gold Medalist. Kurt, did this kid surprise you with his strength? Because at one point, it looked like he was going to power out of a technical masterpiece.”
ANGLE: > “He’s got the ‘Ruthless Aggression,’ Joe, but he doesn’t have the gold.”
JOE ROGAN: > “John, let me talk to you—WELCOME TO THE WWF. That was an incredible performance. You’re 23 years old and you just pushed the best wrestler on the planet to the limit. That was world-class!”
[[ 5. TRIPLE H VS. X-PAC ]]
(Joe is in the center of the “Kliq” hug. He looks slightly confused by the sudden friendship.)
JOE ROGAN: > “Hunter, you dominated that match. You said you were ‘The Game’ and you proved it. But what are we seeing here? You just spent 20 minutes trying to end X-Pac’s career, and now you’re hugging Scott Hall and Shawn Michaels? Is the ‘Mafia’ taking over the locker room tonight?”
TRIPLE H: > “It’s business, Joe. And business is good.”
JOE ROGAN: > “It’s wild! The crowd is literally split down the middle. This is a bizarre turn of events for the hierarchy of the WWF!”
[[ 6. BRET HART VS. ROWDY PIPER ]]
(Joe is with Bret Hart, who is adjusting his shades.)
JOE ROGAN: > “Bret, ‘The Excellence of Execution.’ We saw some uncharacteristic mistakes tonight—timing was off, you pinned him too close to the ropes—was that just the pressure of being back in the ring against a legend like Piper? Or is there something about this new ‘Gonzaga Protocol’ era that’s messing with your rhythm?”
BRET HART: > “I won, Joe. That’s all that matters on the scoresheet.”
JOE ROGAN: > “He’s a legend for a reason! Even on an off night, Bret Hart finds a way to win. Piper is now 0-2 and facing a suspension—this is high-stakes drama, folks!”
[[ 7. YOKOZUNA VS. RIKISHI ]]
(Joe is standing next to a mountain of a man in Yokozuna.)
JOE ROGAN: > “Yokozuna, you just dropped two Banzai Drops on a guy who was supposed to be the ‘Next Big Thing’ in the Samoan family. The impact of those drops… I mean, from a physics standpoint, it’s like a compact car falling from the ceiling. Rikishi looked great early, but you just shut the door. Is Akebono being here the secret to this new intensity?”
YOKOZUNA: > (Banzai!)
JOE ROGAN: > “There you have it! Yokozuna is back in the Top 5 conversation for sure. That was pure, heavy-duty violence!”
[[ THE THREAD: ROGAN’S ENERGY ]]
User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX
“HE’S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER!” 👊 Joe Rogan swearing on a WWF broadcast is the peak of the year 2000. He’s right though—Seagal is a menace with that chair.
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Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000
Joe’s interview with Cena was the best part. 🎙️ You could tell he was genuinely impressed by the “Ruthless Aggression.” Rogan loves those “specimen” athletes.
User: HadoukenKid
Did you see Joe’s face when Birdie said his head was harder than Butterbean’s fists? 😂 Rogan looked like he wanted to study Birdie’s skull in a lab.
[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: Rogan is reportedly staying in Dallas to record a podcast with Agatom and The Prototype. I’d pay good money to hear those three talk about training and Lucha Libre! ]]
seriously, Cena going toe-to-toe with Angle is impressive, but let’s be real. He’s still a rookie, and Angle is just too much! The HHH and X-Pac hug? That’s some japhorms! Are we even watching wrestling or a soap opera?
OMG! THE WWF UNIFICATION IS LEGENDARY!!! HOGAN’S BACK!! WE ARE IN FOR A WILD RIDE!!! UNDISPUTED TITLE, HERE WE COME!!! #HULKAMANIA
yo, that was LIT! 🤩 Yoko’s Banzai Drops were CRAZY! Like, how do you come back from that? Plus, Seagal just THREW a chair!😂 Like this ain’t no action movie, bro. Mario who? This is REAL!
pffft, Steven Seagal with a steel chair? HA! istoryahe! unta, we all know those chair shots are staged. Sige pa diba? May rumors ra jud about Ryu and Ken. Are they gonna save us from this circus? bogo!