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Tag: Interviews

SURVIVOR SERIES 2000: POST-MATCH PART 1

Posted on by Chinito Henson

MATCH: Ultimate Warrior vs. Gen RESULT: Ultimate Warrior via Pinfall (12:44)

[[ IN-RING INTERVIEW: JOE ROGAN ]]

JOE ROGAN: (Standing with the Ultimate Warrior, who is still breathing heavily, face paint smeared with sweat) I’m here with the winner, the Ultimate Warrior! Warrior, a lot of people looked at the age gap here—the fact that Gen is an underground relic—and expected a two-minute squash. But that was a tactical war. He had you in some positions we’ve never seen you in. How did you survive the technical prowess of the “Old Master”?

ULTIMATE WARRIOR: (Snarling, chest heaving) Joe Rogan! The heavens do not count the years! They only count the WILL! Gen… he is a ghost from a time when men fought for breath, not for belts! His hands are like ice, but my blood… my blood is the FIRE OF DESTINY! He reached for my soul, but he found only the POWER OF THE WARRIORS!

JOE ROGAN: (Turning to Gen, who is being helped up by officials, looking remarkably calm despite the loss) Gen, you’re ranked #21 in the world for a reason. Tonight, you proved that age and illness are just variables. You had the Warrior on the ropes with those pressure-point strikes early on. Do you feel that tonight was a “passing of the torch,” or do you still have more names on your list?

GEN: (Voice raspy but steady) The Warrior has strength… but he has no silence. I came to see if the “modern era” had found a way to defeat time. He didn’t defeat time tonight. He only defeated a man. My list… is not yet empty.

[[ RINGSIDE: THE HBO BOXING DESK ]]

JIM LAMPLEY: A fascinating start to the evening here in Kansas City. The Ultimate Warrior moves to 3-1, but Larry, it wasn’t the blowout the Vegas odds suggested.

LARRY MERCHANT: (Adjusting his glasses, looking unimpressed) Jim, it was a classic case of a young, strong guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing against an old, skilled guy who can’t do what he knows. Gen is a master—he’s a philosopher of violence. If he was thirty years younger, the Ultimate Warrior would be a stain on the mat right now. But in this “sport,” if you can call it that, eventually the muscles win out over the mind. It’s the tragedy of the aging athlete.

LENNOX LEWIS: I have to disagree slightly, Larry. Gen’s defense was brilliant. He was parrying power shots that would have knocked out a Heavyweight. But you saw the finish—the Warrior just overwhelmed him with pure physical volume. In boxing, we call that “bullying the vet.” It’s not pretty, but it’s effective. Warrior showed he can take a punch, but he still lacks the technical IQ to be Top 10.

JIM LAMPLEY: Speaking of Top 10 aspirations, we move from the “Old World” vs. “New World” to a battle of two icons trying to reclaim their glory. Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

LARRY MERCHANT: This is where the night gets serious, Jim. We’re talking about the Heavyweight division—the “Shark Tank.” Bret Hart is 32, a technical wizard, but he’s coming off a loss to Yokozuna. Savage is 37, and frankly, he looks like a man who knows his clock is ticking.

LENNOX LEWIS: The footwork is going to be the key here. Bret is the “Excellence of Execution,” he’s going to try to chop Savage down, take out the legs. Savage is erratic, he’s explosive. If Savage can’t catch Bret early with that diving elbow, I think the Hitman’s youth and that Sharpshooter are going to be too much.

LARRY MERCHANT: It’s a desperation match, Lennox. Neither of these men can afford to be 1-2 or 2-2 in this climate. Especially with Zangief and the Street Fighters lurking. If you lose tonight, you’re not just losing a match—you’re losing your relevance.

JIM LAMPLEY: The Heavyweight hunt continues. Hart. Savage. Next!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The “Gonzaga” software actually favored Gen slightly in technical points, but the Warrior’s “Damage Dealt” metric was through the roof. If Bret Hart wins this next one, he’ll be just one big win away from a Top 5 Heavyweight ranking. ]]

MATCH: Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage RESULT: Randy Savage via Count-Out (18:12)

[[ RINGSIDE INTERVIEW: JOE ROGAN ]]

JOE ROGAN: (Standing near the wreckage of the Spanish announce table) I’m here with the victor, the “Macho Man” Randy Savage! Randy, that was one of the most grueling, back-and-forth Heavyweight battles we’ve seen all year. Bret was dissecting you for fifteen minutes—he literally had you on this table ready to end your career. How did you find the spatial awareness to counter him twice in that high-stress environment?

RANDY SAVAGE: (Voice raspy, eyes wild, gasping for air) Dig it, Joe Rogan! The madness… it’s a living thing! Bret Hart thought he had the Excellence of Execution, but he forgot about the ELEVATION OF ADRENALINE! He tried to put me through the wood, yeah, but the Macho Man doesn’t go down for the count when the stars are aligned! I felt the heat, I felt the pressure, and I turned the table on him! A win is a win, and the Macho Man is climbing that P4P mountain, OH YEAH!

JOE ROGAN: (Turning to Bret Hart, who is being attended to by trainers, looking devastated) Bret, you had this match in the palm of your hand. You dominated the technical exchanges, but the decision to go for the announce table finish seemed to backfire. Do you regret trying to “insult” Savage with that move instead of staying in the ring and working for the Sharpshooter?

BRET HART: (Wiping blood from his lip, shaking his head) It wasn’t about the insult, Joe. It was about finishing a dangerous man. I underestimated how much “Macho” was left in the tank. I had him beat… I know I had him beat. Losing by count-out on the floor? That’s a bitter pill. I came here to prove I’m Top 5. Tonight, I just proved that in this sport, one mistake at ringside is all it takes to lose everything.

[[ RINGSIDE: THE HBO BOXING DESK ]]

JIM LAMPLEY: A heart-stopping finish to a technical masterpiece. Randy Savage survives, moving his record to 2-1, but Larry, a count-out win in a match this big… does the “Gonzaga” software respect that?

LARRY MERCHANT: (Smirking) It shouldn’t, Jim. It was a “pro-wrestling” finish. Bret Hart was the better fighter tonight. He out-boxed him, out-grappled him, and out-thought him until that moment of hubris at the announce table. Savage didn’t “beat” Hart; Hart beat himself by playing with his food. In boxing, if you’re ahead on the cards and you get caught in a fluke, it’s a tragedy. That’s what we saw here.

LENNOX LEWIS: I don’t know, Larry. You have to give Savage credit for the “Dog” in him. He was being dismantled. His ribs were gone, his leg was being worked on. To have the presence of mind to reverse a power-bomb on the outside and get back in the ring at the count of nine? That’s veteran savvy. That’s why he’s a legend. He found a way to win when he had no right to.

JIM LAMPLEY: Regardless of the “how,” the Macho Man stays alive in the Heavyweight hunt. But now, gentlemen, we move to the match that has been shrouded in darkness all evening. The WarGames. 4-on-4. The cage is lowering.

LARRY MERCHANT: And look at the teams, Jim. It’s a farce! The two biggest stars in the industry—Triple H and Stone Cold—are sitting in the back or out of the building because of a “backstage brawl.” If I’m a fan who paid for a ticket to see the Rattlesnake, I’m feeling robbed.

LENNOX LEWIS: It’s a massive void, Larry. But look at who’s filling it. The Big Show, Kane, X-Pac, and Ron Simmons. That is a lot of meat in one cage. But they’re going up against the “Street Fighters”—Zangief, Sagat, Ken, and Blanka. Guile is sitting out, playing the General, watching his troops.

LARRY MERCHANT: I’ll say it again—I think Vince McMahon got cold feet. He saw Zangief dismantle those “warm-up” fighters and he didn’t want to see his #1 assets, Triple H and Austin, get their limbs torn off before the World Cup. He’s sent in the “Expendables” to do the dirty work. If the Street Fighters win this, the “WWF Mafia” is going to have a serious credibility crisis on their hands.

JIM LAMPLEY: It’s a war of styles. The monsters of the ring versus the legends of the street. The cage is locked. The “Match Beyond” is next!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: Savage’s win keeps him in the hunt for the WrestleMania Heavyweight Title shot, but Bret Hart’s P4P index might actually stay higher because he dominated the majority of the fight. Up next: Can the Wrestlers’ “Monsters” handle the speed and “Yoga-style” offense of the Street Fighters? ]]

MATCH: Team Street Fighter vs. Team Wrestler RESULT: Team Street Fighter via Pinfall (Sagat on Big Show)

[[ IN-RING INTERVIEW: LARRY MERCHANT ]]

LARRY MERCHANT: (Microphone in hand, looking skeptical) I’m standing here with the victorious Street Fighters. A “statement” win, perhaps, but a messy one. Guile, congratulations on the victory. You could have ended this much earlier when Zangief had Kane pinned, but then your man Ken Masters comes in with a steel chair, hits Kane, but clobbers Zangief in the process, breaking up his own teammate’s pin. Give me your thoughts—is this the military precision you promised?

GUILE: (Stiff, arms crossed) A win is a win, Merchant. In the fog of war, friendly fire happens. The objective was completed: the Wrestling Team is broken. I’ll deal with the disciplinary issues in the barracks.

LARRY MERCHANT: Well, let’s ask the “disciplined” one. Zangief, you entered second and quite literally demolished everything in your path. You were a one-man rescue squad, switching targets to keep Kane and Big Show off your smaller teammates. Was it Guile’s strategy to use you as a human shield, or did you just decide to play hero? And while you’re at it, what do you think of Ken’s “help” with that chair?

ZANGIEF: (Towering over Larry, huffing) My muscles are for the protection of my comrades! Guile said “Neutralize the Giants,” so I neutralize! I take Kane, I take Big Show. It is what I do! As for Little Ken… (glances at Ken) …he has the spirit of a tiger, but the aim of a blind donkey. He is lucky I have thick skull, or his chair would be in pieces and my head would be flat!

LARRY MERCHANT: (Turning to Ken Masters) Ken, you look offended. But the tape doesn’t lie. You blundered. The strategy was for you to check X-Pac while Sagat and Big Show were isolated. Did you stop that pin on purpose because you wanted to keep fighting, or was it just a rookie mistake? Was this a “Masters Solo Project,” or did you just forget which team you were on?

KEN MASTERS: (Visibly fuming, stepping toward Larry) A rookie mistake? Are you kidding me? I’ve fought in more countries than you’ve had hot meals, Larry! I saw Kane moving—I thought he was going to kick out, so I took the shot! I’m a high-octane fighter; I don’t sit around waiting for a three-count. We won, didn’t we? Maybe if the “experts” at the desk spent less time analyzing and more time in a dojo, they’d understand split-second instinct!

LARRY MERCHANT: (Dryly) Instinct usually involves hitting the other guy, Ken. (Turns to Sagat) Sagat, you got the pin, but you looked… diminished. You looked slow, perhaps still feeling the effects of that brutal war with Adon or the beating Ryu gave you in the boondocks. You almost got pinned by the Big Show yourself. If Zangief hadn’t rescued you three times, you’d be the one losing the war. What do you think of this strategy that left you alone with a 500-pounder while your teammate was busy sabotaging pins?

SAGAT: (Looking down at his scarred chest, voice a low rumble) The Big Show is a mountain… but mountains can be toppled. My body is weary, yes, but my “Tiger Knee” still finds the mark. Guile’s strategy was sound—isolate the threat. Zangief is a brother-in-arms; his strength is my strength. As for the “hiccups”… the King of Muay Thai does not care how the victory comes, only that he is the one standing over the fallen.

[[ RINGSIDE: THE HBO BOXING DESK ]]

[The camera pans back to Jim Lampley and Lennox Lewis as the Wrestling Team—Kane, Big Show, X-Pac, and Farooq—all shove the camera away and storm out of the arena in silence.]

JIM LAMPLEY: A bitter exit for the Wrestlers, but a historic night for the Street Fighters. Lennox, that was twenty-five minutes of pure, unadulterated chaos.

LENNOX LEWIS: It was a mess, Jim. Zangief was the MVP. Without him, the Street Fighters would have been crushed early. Ken Masters showed a lot of heart but zero discipline. You can’t have “friendly fire” in a cage match of this magnitude. But in the end, Sagat’s experience told. He took the punishment and waited for the opening.

[Larry Merchant slides back into his seat, still looking agitated.]

LARRY MERCHANT: It’s symptomatic of the whole night, Jim. This “WarGames” was a shell of itself because the two biggest stars were pulled out. And now, we head into the Co-Main Event. The UWC Title. The “Holy Grail.” Hogan vs. Kurt Angle.

JIM LAMPLEY: The first-ever Undisputed Champion. The man whose name will be etched alongside the greats.

LARRY MERCHANT: (Leaning in) Let’s be honest, Jim. This is exactly what the “WWF Mafia” wanted. They pulled The Rock and Ken Shamrock out of the 4-way to make it a one-on-one. Why? Because you can’t control a 4-way. Hogan could have been pinned by luck or a fluke. But in a one-on-one? They get the “Ideal Situation.” I suspect Vince was in cahoots with Triple H to attack the Rock, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Shamrock was “encouraged” to pull out. They want Hogan as the first face of that belt for the ratings…

LENNOX LEWIS: (Quickly interjecting) Larry, Larry… let’s keep it to the tactical side! We don’t want the lawyers in the ring before the fighters. Tactically speaking, Jim, this is a nightmare for Kurt Angle. He’s the better wrestler, the better technician, but he’s fighting the “Immortality” of Hogan in a match where the world expects the Hulkster to win.

JIM LAMPLEY: It’s the ultimate test. The Olympic Gold Medalist versus the Icon of an Era. The luck factor is gone. Only the elite remain. The Holy Grail is on the line… next!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The tension at the announcer’s desk is as high as the ring! Larry is lucky Lennox cut him off—Vince McMahon was reportedly seen glaring at the monitors during that “Mafia” comment. Up next: Hogan vs. Angle. Can Kurt’s technical wrestling overcome the pure power and momentum of the Hulkster? ]]

THE “ROGAN” RONDOWN—OCTAGON INTERVIEWS FROM DALLAS!

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo! To complete our “Old School Combat” vibe for this PPV, I’ve got the transcripts from the post-fight Octagon interviews. Forget the standard locker room promos—Joe Rogan was in the ring, mic in hand, looking like a kid in a candy store. He was obsessed with the physics, the “high-level” techniques, and the sheer violence.

Here is how Joe broke it down with the winners (and a few stunned losers) immediately after the bells rang.

[[ 1. OPENING: 8-MAN MONEY IN THE BANK ]]

(Joe is standing with a triumphant Steven Seagal, while medical staff help Agatom in the background.)

JOE ROGAN: > “I’m here with the winner, Steven Seagal. Steven, that was absolute, high-level chaos. You were observing from the outside, utilizing what looked like incredible spatial awareness before moving in. But man, the chair! You grabbed that steel chair and just went to work. Was that a pre-planned martial arts strategy or pure survival instinct?”

SEAGAL: > “It’s about the flow of energy, Joe. The chair is just an extension of my arm…”

JOE ROGAN: > “It’s insane! And look at the replay! Zulu Jr. is literally falling 15 feet because you timed that ladder push perfectly. You’re back in the WWF, you’ve got the contract… HE’S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!“

[[ 2. BUTTERBEAN VS. BIRDIE ]]

(Joe is looking at a massive, bleeding Birdie while Butterbean is being helped to a stool.)

JOE ROGAN: > “I’m here with Birdie. Dude, you just took shots from a guy who has ‘Delete’ buttons in both hands. We saw your head snap back from a Butterbean right hand, and you didn’t even blink. Then you land that headbutt—it sounded like a baseball bat hitting a pumpkin! How is your skull not fractured right now?”

BIRDIE: > “Me ‘ead is harder than his fists, mate.”

JOE ROGAN: > “It’s unbelievable. One of the greatest displays of chin we’ve ever seen in the super-heavyweight division. Birdie just pulled off a massive upset!”

[[ 3. KANE VS. VADER ]]

(Joe is standing next to a breathing, snorting Vader. Kane has already retreated to the shadows.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Vader, that was a demolition. We’ve seen Kane destroy people on the regional circuit, but you just treated him like a child. You’re over 400 pounds and you’re moving with the agility of a much smaller man. Talk us through that power—it looked like Kane had no answer for the sheer pressure you were putting on him.”

VADER: > “Who’s next, Joe? That’s all I want to know.”

JOE ROGAN: > “I mean, look at that! He’s just a physical specimen. The ‘Mastodon’ is back and he is terrifying!”

[[ 4. KURT ANGLE VS. JOHN CENA ]]

(Joe has the mic between a sweaty Angle and a surprisingly composed John Cena.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Kurt, you got the win with the Ankle Lock, but man… John Cena. John, you’re a newcomer, but you just went 15 minutes of high-level grappling with an Olympic Gold Medalist. Kurt, did this kid surprise you with his strength? Because at one point, it looked like he was going to power out of a technical masterpiece.”

ANGLE: > “He’s got the ‘Ruthless Aggression,’ Joe, but he doesn’t have the gold.”

JOE ROGAN: > “John, let me talk to you—WELCOME TO THE WWF. That was an incredible performance. You’re 23 years old and you just pushed the best wrestler on the planet to the limit. That was world-class!”

[[ 5. TRIPLE H VS. X-PAC ]]

(Joe is in the center of the “Kliq” hug. He looks slightly confused by the sudden friendship.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Hunter, you dominated that match. You said you were ‘The Game’ and you proved it. But what are we seeing here? You just spent 20 minutes trying to end X-Pac’s career, and now you’re hugging Scott Hall and Shawn Michaels? Is the ‘Mafia’ taking over the locker room tonight?”

TRIPLE H: > “It’s business, Joe. And business is good.”

JOE ROGAN: > “It’s wild! The crowd is literally split down the middle. This is a bizarre turn of events for the hierarchy of the WWF!”

[[ 6. BRET HART VS. ROWDY PIPER ]]

(Joe is with Bret Hart, who is adjusting his shades.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Bret, ‘The Excellence of Execution.’ We saw some uncharacteristic mistakes tonight—timing was off, you pinned him too close to the ropes—was that just the pressure of being back in the ring against a legend like Piper? Or is there something about this new ‘Gonzaga Protocol’ era that’s messing with your rhythm?”

BRET HART: > “I won, Joe. That’s all that matters on the scoresheet.”

JOE ROGAN: > “He’s a legend for a reason! Even on an off night, Bret Hart finds a way to win. Piper is now 0-2 and facing a suspension—this is high-stakes drama, folks!”

[[ 7. YOKOZUNA VS. RIKISHI ]]

(Joe is standing next to a mountain of a man in Yokozuna.)

JOE ROGAN: > “Yokozuna, you just dropped two Banzai Drops on a guy who was supposed to be the ‘Next Big Thing’ in the Samoan family. The impact of those drops… I mean, from a physics standpoint, it’s like a compact car falling from the ceiling. Rikishi looked great early, but you just shut the door. Is Akebono being here the secret to this new intensity?”

YOKOZUNA: > (Banzai!)

JOE ROGAN: > “There you have it! Yokozuna is back in the Top 5 conversation for sure. That was pure, heavy-duty violence!”

[[ THE THREAD: ROGAN’S ENERGY ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

“HE’S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER!” 👊 Joe Rogan swearing on a WWF broadcast is the peak of the year 2000. He’s right though—Seagal is a menace with that chair.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Joe’s interview with Cena was the best part. 🎙️ You could tell he was genuinely impressed by the “Ruthless Aggression.” Rogan loves those “specimen” athletes.

User: HadoukenKid

Did you see Joe’s face when Birdie said his head was harder than Butterbean’s fists? 😂 Rogan looked like he wanted to study Birdie’s skull in a lab.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: Rogan is reportedly staying in Dallas to record a podcast with Agatom and The Prototype. I’d pay good money to hear those three talk about training and Lucha Libre! ]]

THE DALLAS DISPATCH: HEARTBREAK, HUSTLE, AND THE HUDDLED MASSES

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Greetings from the ringside here at the Reunion Arena! If the opening Money in the Bank ladder match was a chaotic sprint to the heavens, the rest of the card was a grueling marathon through the trenches. We saw legends stumble, rookies rise, and the very foundations of the Pound-for-Pound rankings shaken to the core. Grab your binoculars, folks; we’re diving deep into the tape.

[[ THE HEAVYWEIGHT HAIL MARYS ]]

Match 2: Birdie def. Butterbean (Pinfall) The weight of expectations is a heavy burden, and tonight, Butterbean felt every ounce of it. This was his first Super-Heavyweight foray since his clash with Hong-man Choi, and the difference was stark. While he’s tasted the power of Bennie Joe, it was nothing compared to the skull-cracking headbutts of the London brawler, Birdie. The “King of the 4-Rounders” showed heart, twice trashing the commentator’s table with Birdie’s body, looking for a count-out win. But Birdie’s chin is made of granite and bad intentions. He beat the ten-count, weathered the storm, and delivered a final, concussive headbutt that silenced the Dallas crowd. Butterbean’s undefeated streak is over; the “Lock of the Night” has been broken.

Match 3: Vader def. Kane (Domination) Highly anticipated? Yes. A contest? Hardly. The mysterious Kane, who has been tearing through the indies looking for his “brother,” ran into a brick wall named Vader. In only his second WWF appearance, Vader looked like a man possessed. Kane never even managed to find his footing. This performance validates The Rock’s #2 P4P ranking—Vader is a monster, and Kane found out that “Hellfire” doesn’t burn the “Mastodon.”

[[ THE PURITY OF THE SPORT ]]

Match 4: Kurt Angle def. The Prototype (Submission) This, my friends, was the “Match of the Night.” John Cena—known here as The Prototype—walked into the lion’s den and didn’t blink. He introduced the world to “Ruthless Aggression,” going toe-to-toe with an Olympic Gold Medalist. Angle looked for the finish early with multiple transitions, but the young Cena persevered with a grit that suggests he belongs in the main event sooner rather than later. Ultimately, the veteran savvy of Angle won out, as he locked in the Ankle Lock until the rookie had no choice but to tap.

Match 6: Bret Hart def. Rowdy Roddy Piper (Pinfall) A clash of icons looking for redemption. Bret, coming off a loss to Yokozuna, looked uncharacteristically nervous. He made rookie mistakes—poor timing and pinning Piper too close to the ropes—that nearly cost him. However, “The Hitman” found his rhythm in the closing minutes. Piper, now 0-2, is staring down the barrel of a one-year suspension if he loses his next bout. A somber night for the Scotsman, but a vital 1-1 reset for Hart.

[[ DRAMA IN THE CLIQUE ]]

Match 5: Triple H def. X-Pac (The Trilogy Finale) The brotherhood is fractured, but perhaps not broken. Triple H entered the ring alone, facing an X-Pac flanked by Scott Hall and Shawn Michaels. The betrayal fueled “The Game.” He dominated the match, proving he belongs in the same breath as Austin and Rock. Despite the dirty tactics from the corner, Triple H secured the pin. The Shock: After the bell, the four “Kliq” members hugged in the ring. The crowd didn’t know whether to cheer the reunion or boo the arrogance. One man who wasn’t confused? Vince McMahon. The boss was seen backstage looking absolutely livid at this display of “independent” unity.

[[ THE SAMOAN CIVIL WAR ]]

Match 7: Yokozuna def. Rikishi (Banzai Drop) This was personal. Yokozuna entered with Sumo legend Akebono Taro, a move seen as a slight to his Samoan roots. Rikishi, backed by Umaga and Teila Tuli, started hot with youth and speed. But he got greedy. He looked for the big move too early and left an opening. Yokozuna flattened him with two consecutive Banzai Drops. Short, brutal, and a clear message: The old guard isn’t ready to step aside.

[[ THE MAIN EVENT: THE GIANT AWAKENS ]]

Match 8: Big Show def. Sagat (Upset of the Century) Dallas was ready for Muay Thai brilliance; they got a demolition derby. Sagat, missing his corner (Ken Masters and Adon), looked human for the first time. The “King of Muay Thai” appeared slow, his strikes bouncing off the 500-pound debutant. The Big Show treated Sagat like a sparring partner, tossing him across the ring with ease. The street fighting community is in shock. Was Sagat’s win over Nash a fluke? Is Muay Thai inferior to pure, giant-sized wrestling? Sagat looked exposed, and the Big Show looked like the new P4P king.

[[ POST-MATCH INTERVIEWS: LARRY MERCHANT’S CORNER ]]

Larry Merchant: “I’m here with the winner, The Big Show. You just dismantled a legend. How does it feel?”

Big Show: “Legend? Larry, I saw a guy who’s used to fighting people half his size. Welcome to the WWF. I’m the biggest shark in the ocean, and I just ate the ‘King.'”

Larry Merchant (to a dazed Sagat): “Sagat, you were the favorite. You looked… ordinary tonight. What happened?”

Sagat: (Wiping blood from his eye) “I was alone. No Master. No student. But a giant is still just a man. He threw me… but he did not break me. I will return to the jungle. I will find the power to topple this mountain. This is not the end.”

[[ CHINITO’S CLOSING NOTE: The landscape has shifted. Seagal has the case, Zulu is gone, and the Big Show is the new nightmare of the Super-Heavyweight division. Dallas will never be the same. ]]

THE “PRIVATE CONVERSATION”: AGATOM FACES THE KING & QUEEN OF SHOWBIZ!

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! I managed to snag a “bootleg” copy of the most anticipated interview in the Philippines. This isn’t your typical sports sit-down. Agatom, fresh off his win in Japan, sat down with the legendary duo Boy Abunda and Kris Aquino.

Expect a lot of tito advice, taklesa comments about his weight, and some deep dives into the secret brotherhood of Pinoy wrestlers. Here is the transcript from the “The Buzz” special: Agatom: Ang Batang High Flyer.

[[ THE INTERVIEW: BOY, KRIS, & AGATOM ]]

Boy Abunda: (Leaning in, palms pressed together) “Agatom… I want to look into your eyes. You are 116 pounds. You are in a ring with giants. My question is simple… Sino ka sa harap ng panganib? Who are you when the world is watching?”

Agatom: “Tito Boy, honestly? I’m just a kid from the streets who wanted to fly. When I’m on that top rope, I don’t see the giants. I only see the landing.”

Kris Aquino: (Interrupting while fanning herself) “Wait, wait, wait! Nakakaloka ha! Agatom, you are so liit! I mean, I love you, you’re so cute, but are you eating?! Tito Boy, look at his arms! My Bimby might be bigger than him in a few years! How do you survive those Super Heavyweights? Don’t they… you know… ipit you?”

Agatom: (Laughs nervously) “Ms. Kris, eating is actually the problem! If I get too heavy, I lose the speed. I have to stay light to survive. It’s not about being bigger; it’s about being harder to catch.”

Boy Abunda: “Let’s talk about your roots. People see you in the WWF now, but you didn’t start there. Are you still in touch with the others? Sina Ugat Puno, Palikpik, Joe Pogi… are you still brothers?”

Agatom: “Always, Tito Boy. We started in the local underground circuits—bare mats, no fancy lights. Ugat Puno was like a mentor to me; he taught me how to take a fall without breaking. And Palikpik? That guy is the reason I started doing high-flying moves. He told me, ‘If you can’t out-power them, out-fly them.’ We still talk. They sent me a telegram after the Japan win. They’re proud, but they’re also hungry. They want their shot at the WWF too.”

Kris Aquino: “Oh my God, telegram?! So retro! But wait, Agatom, I have to be taklesa ha—is it true that you and the ‘Changed Man’ in Japan had… you know… a moment? People are saying the match was too close. Like, was there kilig? Or was it pure bugbugan? Kasi his mask is kind of mysterious, right?”

Agatom: (Blushing) “Ms. Kris! It was pure business! ‘Changed Man’ is a stuntman, he’s a professional. There was no kilig, just a lot of bruises. He almost knocked me out with a kick, so I had to finish him fast.”

Boy Abunda: “Lights out. Fast talk. Takot o Tapang?” Agatom: “Tapang.” Boy Abunda: “Rock Bottom or People’s Elbow?” Agatom: “Neither. 450 Splash.” Boy Abunda: “Sino ang pinaka-kinatatakutan mo sa WWF?” Agatom: “Kimbo Slice. No question.” Kris Aquino: “I knew it! He looks so maton! If he chases you, Agatom, tumakbo ka sa akin, I’ll hide you in my house! It’s safe there, I have many security!”

[[ THE THREAD: SHOWBIZ VS. SPORTS ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KRIS AQUINO IS WILD!! 🤣 Calling Agatom “liit” to his face while he’s a global star is peak Kris. But it’s cool to hear he’s still in touch with Ugat Puno and Palikpik. Those guys were the pioneers of the Pinoy underground!

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    I remember Ugat Puno! 🌳 He had that “native” wrestling style. If the WWF Mafia signs him, the Heavyweight division is in trouble. Agatom is just the tip of the iceberg for Filipino talent.

User: HadoukenKid

Boy Abunda asking about the “Sino ka?” is classic. 🎤 Agatom handled it well. But seriously, if Palikpik joins the Cruiserweights, he and Rey Mysterio would burn the arena down.

User: BeefSlammer69

AGATOM IN KRIS’S HOUSE?! 👊😤 Imagine Kimbo Slice trying to get past Kris Aquino’s security. That’s the real Main Event. Agatom is a legend for surviving that interview!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing rumors that Ugat Puno and Palikpik have been spotted at the WWF recruitment center in Subic. We might be seeing a “Pinoy Invasion” stable very soon! ]]

THE “GAME” SPEAKS: EXCLUSIVE HHH INTERVIEW

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! I managed to get 15 minutes in a private gym with the “Cerebral Assassin” himself. While The Rock is busy dealing with Anvils and Austin is throwing back Steveweisers, Hunter Hearst Helmsley is sitting in the shadows, fuming.

The “Mafia” might be focused on the Street Fighters, but HHH is playing a different game entirely. Here is the full transcript of the most cold-blooded interview I’ve ever conducted.

[[ THE INTERVIEW: HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY ]]

Admin_Neil: “Hunter, everyone is talking about The Rock’s win over Vader and Austin’s big return. Your name isn’t at the top of the ‘Rising Star’ headlines lately. Does that get under your skin?”

HHH: > (Laughs coldly while wrapping his wrists) “Rising stars? You’re talking about a guy who tells jokes to clowns and a guy who drinks beer for a living. The Rock is ‘Electrifying’? Austin is ‘Tough’? Give me a break. While they’re playing to the ‘Millions,’ I’m becoming the standard. I am the ‘Cerebral Assassin.’ I don’t need a catchphrase to be the best in this ring. If they aren’t talking about me, it’s because they’re afraid to admit that I’m the one who’s going to own this industry when the smoke clears.”

Admin_Neil: “There are rumors, Hunter… about you and Stephanie McMahon. People say Vince is holding you back or burying you in mid-card matches like the 1-on-1 with your friend X-Pac just to keep you away from the ‘Promoted’ spots because of your personal life. What’s the truth?”

HHH: > “Personal life? You think Vince McMahon can hold me back? You think fighting X-Pac—a man I’ve traveled the world with—was a ‘punishment’? It was a message. Vince knows that if he turns me loose, there’s nobody left. As for the rumors… people love to talk when they can’t compete. Whether I’m dating the boss’s daughter or I’m the boss’s worst nightmare, the result is the same: I win. I’m forced to fight my friends because I’m the only one who can handle them. It’s not a demotion; it’s a cull.”

Admin_Neil: “What about the ‘World Warriors’? Sagat, Birdie, Butterbean… the boxing and sumo guys coming in. Do they belong in your ring?”

HHH: > “It’s a circus, Neil. Sagat has a big scar and a fancy knee, but can he handle 30 minutes of psychological warfare? Can a boxer like Butterbean handle a technical clinic? These guys are tourists. They’re here for a paycheck and a headline. I’m here for the legacy. They can bring all the ‘Tiger Shots’ they want—in this ring, I am the King of Kings, and they’re just peasants visiting the castle.”

[[ HHH’S ALL-TIME TOP 5 WRESTLERS ]]

  1. Ric Flair (“The blueprint. Period.”)

  2. Harley Race (“The toughest man to ever lace up boots.”)

  3. Shawn Michaels (“The showstopper, my brother, but I’ve surpassed him.”)

  4. Buddy Rogers (“The original ‘Nature Boy’ who understood the psychology.”)

  5. Triple H (“Because nobody—and I mean nobody—plays the game better than me.”)

[[ THE SUMMER SLAM PREDICTION ]]

HHH on Hogan vs. Andre (IC Title):

“Two dinosaurs fighting over a belt that belongs to me. Hogan will do his leg drop, Andre will look big, and the fans will cheer for the 80s. But mark my words: Whoever leaves Raleigh with that Intercontinental gold is just holding it warm for me. My prediction? Chaos. And in chaos, The Game always wins.”

[[ THE THREAD: THE “GAME” COMMENCE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

HHH IS SAVAGE!! 🤯 Calling Rock a “joke teller” is a bold move. And he basically confirmed the Stephanie rumors without saying it! If he and Steph are a power couple, the “WWF Mafia” is about to get a new Queen.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    He’s right about the “Tourists” though. 🐯 Sagat vs HHH would be a 5-star clinic. Hunter doesn’t get enough credit for his technical game. He’s gonna destroy X-Pac next week.

User: HadoukenKid

The Game vs The Emperor? 🎮🐯 That’s the match I want to see. Sagat’s Muay Thai vs Hunter’s Sledgehammer. HHH sounds like he’s ready to take over the whole company.

User: BeefSlammer69

TOP 5 INCLUDING HIMSELF?! 👊😤 That’s the most HHH thing ever. I bet he ends up interfering in the Hogan/Andre match just to prove a point. Long live The King! 👑

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that X-Pac is legitimately hurt by Hunter’s comments. Their 1-on-1 match is going to be personal. Expect no mercy! ]]

JUNE 15 SHOCKER: THE CLOWN IS OUT, THE ANVIL IS IN!

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! I just got off the phone with my contact near the Allstate Arena, and the June 15th card has been flipped upside down. If you were looking forward to seeing The Rock lay the smackdown on a clown, you’re going to have to wait.

The Rock vs. Doink is OFFICIALLY CANCELLED.

[[ THE REASON: THE “JOY BUZZER” INCIDENT ]]

Reports from backstage say that during a pre-show “prank” gone wrong, Doink attempted to use a modified, high-voltage joy buzzer on a WWF production assistant. The “Mafia” security (led by the Big Boss Man) didn’t find it funny. Doink was forcibly removed from the building for “endangering staff,” leaving The Rock without an opponent just hours before bell time.

[[ THE REPLACEMENT: JIM “THE ANVIL” NEIDHART ]]

Vince didn’t scramble for a local jobber. Instead, he reached into the “Hart Foundation” archives. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart has officially signed his new WWF contract and has been waiting in the wings for weeks. With Doink out, The Anvil is finally making his 2000 debut. This isn’t a comedy match anymore—it’s a powerhouse collision.

[[ TALE OF THE TAPE: THE POWERHOUSE CLASH ]]

FEATURE THE ROCK JIM “THE ANVIL” NEIDHART
Height 6’5″ 6’2″
Weight 275 lbs 280 lbs
Experience 4 Years (Current Peak) 20+ Years (Legend Status)
Style Electrifying High-Impact Powerhouse / Stampede Style
Finisher Rock Bottom Anvil Flattener / Powerslam

[[ THE EXPERTS WEIGH IN ]]

JOE ROGAN (UFC/MMA Analyst)

“This is actually a much better fight for The Rock’s development. Doink was a gimmick; Neidhart is a stone-cold killer from the Hart Dungeon. 🇨🇦 He has that ‘Old School’ strength that you can’t teach. If Neidhart gets those arms around Rock for a bearhug, we’re going to see if the ‘Brahma Bull’ can actually handle real, world-class pressure. This is a massive test for the People’s Champion.”

JIM LAMPLEY (HBO Boxing)

“BANG! What a turn of events! The clown is sent packing and in walks a man who throws anvils for fun! Neidhart brings a level of veteran savvy that The Rock hasn’t faced since Vader. Can Rock’s speed overcome the sheer density of The Anvil? It’s a classic power-vs-charisma matchup that has Chicago shaking before the first bell!”

[[ THE THREAD: NEIDHART’S RETURN ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

THE ANVIL IS BACK!! 👊 I grew up watching the Hart Foundation. Seeing him go up against The Rock is a dream match I never expected in 2000. Neidhart is gonna show Rock what “Stiff” really means.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    I’m glad the clown is gone. 🤡 Wrestling needs more guys like Neidhart. But let’s be real—The Rock is too fast. He’s gonna hit that People’s Elbow and the arena is going to explode. The Anvil is a legend, but Rock is the future.

User: HadoukenKid

The Rock vs a Hart Dungeon graduate? 🏰 This is going to be a technical clinic. I bet Bret Hart is watching this from home, smiling. If Neidhart wins, does he join the “WWF Mafia”?

User: BeefSlammer69

ANVIL VS ROCK!! 💥 I want to see a double clothesline that levels the ring! I’m putting my money on Neidhart for the upset. You don’t mess with the pink and black attack! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Neidhart’s contract has a “Family Clause.” If he wins tonight, could we see more of the Hart family returning to take on the nWo? ]]

*** [ WWF_UNDERGROUND_FORUM ] *** Topic: LEAKED: THE ROCK’S BACKSTAGE RAGE & THE “ANVIL” AMBUSH

[ ADMIN_NEIL ] – Posted: June 15, 2000 @ 08:30 PM

Yo! The Allstate Arena is in a state of absolute chaos. I just got a grainy handheld clip from a contact in the production truck. If you thought The Rock was going to be happy about a “Day Off” because the Clown got fired, you don’t know the Brahma Bull.

[[ THE LEAKED FOOTAGE: BACKSTAGE AT CHICAGO ]]

The video starts with The Rock pacing outside Vince McMahon’s office. He’s already in his trunks, the Brahma Bull tattoo glistening under the hallway lights. He looks less like an entertainer and more like a predator whose meal just got taken away.

The Rock (to a trembling Producer):

“So let The Rock get this straight… the ‘Mafia’ sends a clown to do a man’s job, the clown decides to play with electricity, and now The Rock is supposed to just go home? You think The Rock flew to Chicago to sit in a locker room and eat a ham sandwich? You think the millions—and millions—of the Rock’s fans paid their hard-earned money to see a ‘Card Subject to Change’ sign?!”

Just then, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart walks into the frame. He’s wearing the classic pink and black, laughing that signature maniacal laugh. He gets right in Rock’s face, the goatee practically twitching with intensity.

The Anvil:

“Hahahaha! Lay smackdown on a clown, Rock? Why don’t you try to move an ANVIL?! I’ve been sitting in the basement of the Hart Dungeon waiting for a contract that meant something. Vince gave me the pen, and I’m giving you the beating! Welcome back to the real world, kid!”

The Rock’s Reaction: Rock doesn’t say a word. He just slowly removes his sunglasses, drops them into the hands of the terrified producer, and gives Neidhart the People’s Eyebrow. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a folding chair. The clip ends with Rock walking toward the curtain, shouting, “Tell the timekeeper to get ready… because The Rock is about to drop an Anvil on Chicago!”

[[ THE EXPERTS WEIGH IN ]]

JOE ROGAN (UFC/MMA Analyst)

“This is the most dangerous ‘Pivot’ I’ve ever seen. The Rock was prepared for a circus; now he’s in a shark tank. Neidhart has that Stu Hart ‘Catch’ wrestling background. If he gets a hold of Rock’s wrist, he can snap it in four places before the ref even counts to one. This isn’t about the ‘People’s Elbow’ anymore; this is about survival.”

JIM LAMPLEY (HBO Boxing)

“BANG! From the ridiculous to the sublime! We go from a prankster in facepaint to a two-time Tag Team Champion with the strength of a freight train. The Rock has momentum from the Vader and Hurricane wins, but Neidhart is a fresh, angry veteran with everything to prove. This is the definition of a ‘Trap Match’!”

[[ THE THREAD: THE CHICAGO STAMPEDE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

THE ANVIL IN 2000!! 👊 Seeing that backstage footage gave me chills. Rock looked like he wanted to rip Neidhart’s head off. This is way better than a Doink match. Neidhart is gonna test that “People’s Champ” hype for real.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Did you see Rock’s face? 🤨 He didn’t even blink when Neidhart started laughing. After what he did to Vader and that massive People’s Elbow on The Hurricane, I think Rock is untouchable right now. Anvil is gonna get Rock Bottomed into the 300 level.

User: HadoukenKid

The Hurricane was just a warm-up. The Anvil is the final boss of the powerhouses. If Rock wins this, he’s definitely the #1 contender for the World Title. But man, Neidhart looks like he’s in the best shape of his life.

User: BeefSlammer69

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL VS ROCK BOTTOM!! 💥 I’m in the building right now and the crowd is losing it. Nobody misses the clown. Give us the Harts! Give us the Bulls! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m standing by for the finish. Word is the “Mafia” is watching this match very closely to see if Rock is ready for the Main Event at SummerSlam. ]]

THE ROCK VS. THE CLOWN: THE BRAHMA BULL VS. THE CIRCUS OF SINS

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! We are just three days away from the June 15th clash in the “Chicago Carnage” aftermath. While everyone is talking about the Super Heavyweight brackets and Sagat’s training, The Rock has a date with a nightmare.

The WWF Mafia has booked a “Psycho Circus” match. It’s The Rock vs. Doink the Clown. Most people think this is a joke—until you remember that under that face paint, Doink is a technical submission specialist.

[[ TALE OF THE TAPE: JUNE 15, 2000 ]]

FEATURE THE ROCK DOINK THE CLOWN
Height 6’5″ 6’0″
Weight 275 lbs 245 lbs
Finisher Rock Bottom / People’s Elbow Whoopee Cushion / Stump Puller
Record (2000) 14-2 (Peak Momentum) 2-4 (Underground Circuits)
Recent Win The Hurricane (via Pinfall) Local Jobber (via Submission)
Weapon of Choice The People’s Eyebrow Joy Buzzer / Trick Buckets

[[ EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: THE ROCK SPEAKS ]]

I caught up with The Great One backstage after his workout. He’s currently on a tear, fresh off two massive victories that have redefined his 2000 run.

Admin_Neil: “Rock, the fans are still buzzing about your wins over Vader and The Hurricane. How are you feeling heading into June 15th against a clown?”

The Rock: > “Finally… The Rock has come back… to the underground! You want to talk about Vader? You want to talk about a 450-pound mastodon that smells like a wet dog and looks like a burnt marshmallow? The Rock took Vader, the biggest ‘God’ from Japan, and he Rock Bottomed his candy-ass straight through the canvas! 👊

And then… the WWF sends out ‘The Hurricane.’ A man who thinks he can fly? A man who wears a cape to work? The Rock didn’t just beat him—The Rock took that little green cape, wiped the sweat off the People’s Brow, and then… for the first time in history… I laid it down. The most electrifying move in sports entertainment. The People’s Elbow. ⚡️

Now, Vince and his ‘Mafia’ cronies want to send out a clown? Doink? You think because you paint your face and squeeze a rubber chicken that The Rock is scared? Doink, you listen to The Rock: You bring your buckets, you bring your midgets, you bring your cotton candy… because on June 15th, The Rock is going to take that big red nose, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy-ass! If ya smell… what The Rock… is cookin’!”

[[ ANALYST PREDICTION: THE “PEOPLE’S” PREVAIL ]]

Joe Rogan: “Look, Doink is dangerous because he’s unpredictable. He might have a second Doink under the ring, or he might use that ‘Stump Puller’ to snap The Rock’s ankle. But The Rock is in a different universe right now. That ‘People’s Elbow’ he used on The Hurricane? It’s pure showmanship backed by 275 lbs of muscle. I don’t see the Clown surviving the first 5 minutes.”

[[ THE THREAD: THE “CLOWN” CONSPIRACY ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW!! ⚡️ I saw it live against Hurricane. The way he takes off the elbow pad and throws it into the crowd? Peak entertainment. Doink is gonna get his wig flipped.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Don’t sleep on the Clown. 🤡 Rumor is the “Mafia” hired the evil Doink, not the babyface one. If he uses a joy-buzzer or a bucket of water to distract the ref, Rocky might actually lose this one.

User: HadoukenKid

The Hurricane losing to that Elbow was a travesty. 🦸‍♂️ He should have used the “Eye of the Storm.” But seeing The Rock vs Vader was legendary. Vader looked like he didn’t know what hit him.

User: BeefSlammer69

ROCK VS DOINK!! 👊😤 I want to see The Rock hit a Rock Bottom on a clown. It’s what 2000 was made for. And after that, let’s see Rock vs Sagat! The People’s Champ vs The Emperor! 🐯⚡️

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Doink has been spotted buying 50 gallons of green slime from a local warehouse. June 15th is going to be messy! ]]

CHICAGO CARNAGE: THE “EXPERTS” WEIGH IN (TYSON, ROGAN, VENTURA & MORE)

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! My inbox is literally smoking. Everyone from the Vegas high-rollers to the Japanese MMA purists is talking about what went down in Chicago. I’ve spent the last four hours transcribing radio hits and locker room leaks.

If you thought the fans were divided, wait until you hear what the “Pros” have to say about Shane’s chokehold and the “Humanity” of the Cell.

[[ THE CELEBRITY / ANALYST BREAKDOWN ]]

1. MIKE TYSON (On the “Street Fighter” vs. “Giant” Clash)

“Listen, I saw Sagat in Thailand years ago. The guy is a monster, but the WWF ring is different. It’s smaller, the ropes give, and Kevin Nash is a smart veteran. Nash took those Tiger Knees like a champ. But Sagat winning with ‘dirty’ tactics? That shows he’s not just a striker; he’s a fighter. He’s learning the game. Nash better watch his back in the rematch, because next time, that Knee is going through his chin.”

2. JOE ROGAN (On the Shane vs. Angle “Phantom Tap”)

“I am losing my mind over this! 🤯 Kurt Angle is an Olympic Gold Medalist. You don’t just ‘choke’ him out unless you’re a high-level black belt. Shane McMahon showed some serious Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu transitions, but that tap? I’ve rewatched the grainy 8mm tape 50 times. Angle was adjusting his hand, not tapping! The ‘Mafia’ influence in the officiating is getting undeniable. Shane is good, but he’s not ‘Submission-Victory-over-Angle’ good. This was a robbery in broad daylight.”

3. JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA (On the Main Event)

“I’ve been in the ring with the greats, and what I saw in Chicago was a funeral for the sport. The Undertaker letting go of that submission early? That wasn’t sportsmanship, that was sadism. He wanted to break Mick Foley’s spirit before he broke his body. And Foley… falling 20 feet through the mesh? That’s not wrestling, that’s a man with a localized death wish. The Commission needs to step in before someone actually dies on live TV.”

4. BILL ABPTER (Pro Wrestling Illustrated Legend)

“The Ultimate Warrior’s performance was a statement. By not using weapons in an ‘Extreme Rules’ match, he told the world that 90s-peak power is greater than 2000s gimmicks. Mad Dogg (Road Kill) looked like a boy among men. He had the ‘Outback Shredder’ and he was too scared to lift it. Warrior didn’t just win a match; he reclaimed his territory.”

[[ FELLOW FIGHTER REACTIONS (LEAKED FROM THE BACK) ]]

The Rock:

“The Rock watched the ‘Emperor’ Sagat. The Rock saw the eye-patch, the scar, and the ‘Tiger’ talk. It’s a nice show. But while Sagat is busy cheating with Ken Masters in his corner, The Rock is busy being the most electrifying man in the world. Sagat, you win a match? Great. You win the crowd? Never. The Rock is waiting for you in July.”

Butterbean:

“Shane McMahon thinks he’s a shooter now? 🥊 He should try that Rear Naked Choke on me. I’ll slam him so hard his grandkids will have headaches. And Kimbo? 3-0 is good, kid. But you’re fighting Zulu. Come fight a man with a chin made of granite and we’ll see if you’re still ‘King of the Streets’.”

[[ THE UNDERGROUND FORUM POLLS ]]

Topic: Was Angle’s “Tap” Real?

  • NO: 78% (“Angle was robbed!”)

  • YES: 22% (“Shane-O-Mac is the new King of UFC!”)

Topic: Who is the MVP of Chicago Carnage?

  • Mick Foley: 45% (For surviving the 20ft drop)

  • The Undertaker: 30% (For the pure dominance)

  • Kimbo Slice: 15% (For the 3-0 streak)

  • Sagat: 10% (The debut hype)

[[ THE THREAD: JUNE 20 FALLOUT ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

Tyson calling for a Sagat/Nash rematch? YES PLEASE. 🐯 I want to see Nash actually use a powerbomb this time. And Rogan is right—Angle got screwed. The ref was definitely on the McMahon payroll. #JusticeForAngle

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Cry more, Angle fans! Shane trained his heart out. He had the sink locked in! 🛁 Even if he didn’t tap, he was going to sleep. Shane vs. Gracie is the fight to make for SummerSlam.

User: HadoukenKid

Ken Masters is definitely the ‘Mafia’ link. 🕵️‍♂️ He’s the one who got Sagat the contract. Why is he hanging out with the Muay Thai King? They’re building a super-team to take out the 90s legends. First Nash, next… Hogan?

User: BeefSlammer69

FOLEY IS STABLE!! 🙏 I hope he gets a bionic ear or something. He’s the GOAT. I want to see Cactus Jack vs The Rock in July. Meat vs Electricity!! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m tracking a lead that Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were seen at a private airport with a “Mystery Man” in a black suit. Is the nWo expanding? Or is Goldberg finally landing? ]]

EXCLUSIVE: THE STREET FIGHTERS BREAK THEIR SILENCE! (LEAKED INTERVIEWS)

Posted on by Maria Cristina Aguillera

Yo, everyone! I’ve been scouring the Japanese BBS boards and chasing leads in the Hong Kong underground for weeks. We finally tracked down some of the “World Warriors” to get their take on the WWF’s circus.

And yes… we even found a lead on Ken Masters. He isn’t “hiding”—he’s just living a life we can’t afford. Check the transcripts below.

[[ INTERVIEW 1: RYU – THE ETERNAL WANDERER ]]

Location: A secluded dojo outside of Kyoto. Ryu was found practicing kata under a waterfall.

REPORTER: “Ryu, Vince McMahon called you a ‘clown’ and says you’re ducking the WWF legends. What’s your response?”

RYU: (Long silence. He doesn’t even look at the camera.)

“McMahon speaks of ‘entertainment.’ I speak of the path. A true warrior does not seek a belt made of gold or a contract signed in ink. He seeks the answer in the heart of battle. If Hogan or Austin wish to find me, they do not need a promoter. They only need to walk the path. But warn them… the ‘Hadoken’ does not care about their TV ratings. It only knows the truth.”

REPORTER: “What do you think about the ‘Hell in a Cell’ match in Chicago?”

RYU:

“A cage is just a box for those who are afraid of the wind. To trap yourself in steel with another man is not a test of spirit—it is a test of desperation. I have fought on the edge of volcanoes and in the rain of Thailand. A cage cannot contain a real warrior.”

[[ INTERVIEW 2: CHUN-LI – THE INTERPOL OFFICER ]]

Location: Interpol HQ, Lyon. She was reviewing files on the “WWF Mafia” rumors.

CHUN-LI:

“The boxing invasion? It’s a mess. Prince Naseem and Butterbean are talented, but they’re being used as pawns in a power struggle between promoters. As for the WWF… my investigation into ‘Shadaloo’ connections is ongoing. There are certain ‘executives’ in that federation whose finances don’t add up. If they think they can hide behind a ‘Hell in a Cell,’ they’re wrong. Justice has a long reach—longer than Giant Gonzalez.”

[[ THE “FINDING KEN” MISSION: KEN MASTERS ]]

We finally tracked Ken down at a high-end beach resort in Malibu. He was training, but mostly he was lounging by a pool with a laptop (probably checking his stocks).

REPORTER: “Ken! People say you’re ducking the WWF. Vince says you’re scared of the ‘Genetic Power’ of a McMahon.”

KEN MASTERS: (Adjusts sunglasses, grins that million-dollar smile)

“Scared? Tell Vince I’ve got more ‘Genetic Power’ in my pinky than his whole roster has in their steroid-cabinet. I’m not ducking anyone. I’m just expensive, baby! If the WWF wants the ‘Masters’ touch, they gotta stop offering me ‘mid-card’ money. I’m 2-0 in life, and I’m 100-0 in the ring.

“As for the Chicago Cell… tell Mick Foley I respect the hustle, but he’s taking too many hits to the head. He should come out to Malibu, have a drink, and learn how to fight without getting his ear ripped off. And Shane McMahon? Fighting Angle under UFC rules? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all year. I’ll be watching from my yacht. Good luck, Shane-o! You’re gonna need it.”

[[ THE REACTION THREAD ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

“I’m expensive, baby!” 🤣 Ken is such a legend. He basically just called the whole WWF roster poor. And Ryu? “A cage is just a box.” DAMN. He just roasted the entire Hell in a Cell concept in one sentence. 🌋🔥

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Ken is a show-off, but he’s right about Shane. Shane is gonna get folded by Angle. And Ryu is too “zen” for his own good. I want to see him hit a Hadoken on the Undertaker and see if the “Deadman” stays down.

User: HadoukenKid

Chun-Li investigating the WWF Mafia? 🕵️‍♀️ I KNEW IT. The Shadaloo connection is real. M. Bison is probably the one funding DiBiase’s “Million Dollar” lifestyle. This goes deeper than we thought, guys. #InterpolInTheRing

User: BeefSlammer69

Ryu say cage is box. Box is for cereal. Meat is for Butterbean. Bean is better than Ryu. Bean punch waterfall!! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The Allstate Arena is officially sold out for Chicago. The rumors of a “Surprise Guest” at the Cell are peaking. Is it a Street Fighter? Is it Goldberg? Or is it something darker? ]]

*** [ WWF_UNDERGROUND_FORUM ] *** Topic: BOXING WORLD MELTDOWN: TYSON, DON KING, & DE LA HOYA REACT TO VEGAS!

[ ADMIN_NEIL ] – Posted: June 9, 2000 @ 11:58 PM

Yo, the 56k is screaming tonight! I just got the transcripts from the post-fight pressers in Vegas. The boxing community is absolutely LOSING IT. Half of them think Naz and Bean are heroes, and the other half (mostly the promoters) are terrified that the “WWF Mafia” is gonna eat their sport alive.

Here are the exclusive quotes from the biggest names in the “Sweet Science.”

[[ MIKE TYSON: “THE BADDEST MAN” WEIGHS IN ]]

Location: Ringside, Las Vegas.

“Listen, man… Butterbean is a beast. People underestimate him because of his shape, but that overhand right is ‘lights out’ for anyone. Seeing him throw and kick? That’s some street-fight energy right there. And Naz… Naz is a warrior. He went into the shadow of a giant and found a way to win. It wasn’t boxing, it was survival. I respect it. If Vince wants to keep this ‘Invasion’ going, he better call me. I’ve got some ‘Genetic Power’ for him too.”

[[ DON KING: THE HYPE MACHINE IN A PANIC ]]

Location: A private suite at the MGM Grand.

“It is a travesty! A tragedy! A monumental catastrophe of athletic proportions! Prince Naseem Hamed is a world-class pugilist, a king of the ring, and he is out there doing… what? Flip-flops and dropkicks? This is the WWF’s ‘Shadaloo’ influence corrupting the integrity of the Sweet Science! They are trying to turn our champions into circus performers! I will be filing injunctions! I will be filing lawsuits! Only in America can you see a Giant try to sit on a Prince, but it is BAD FOR BUSINESS!”

[[ OSCAR DE LA HOYA: THE GOLDEN BOY’S DOUBTS ]]

Location: Training camp in Big Bear.

“I respect Naz’s heart, but the Lucha Libre stuff? Come on. Boxing is about discipline and footwork, not jumping off the ropes. He entering at 158 lbs showed he was worried about the weight difference. I’m glad he won, but he looked hurt. If Gonzalez had any actual boxing skill, Naz wouldn’t have made it out of the first round. I’m staying in the ring; the WWF is a mess right now.”

[[ THE BOXING FORUM REPLIES (MIRRORED FROM BOXINGSCENE2000) ]]

User: Gloved_Up_88

Don King is just mad he isn’t getting a cut of the WWF gate. 💸 Butterbean looked like a MMA fighter out there! The kick to Choi’s leg was the beginning of the end. Boxing is evolving, and the “Peak 90s” legends are the ones who can’t keep up.

User: Iron_Chin_Tony

TYSON VS HOGAN. MAKE IT HAPPEN. 🥊🔥 If Tyson enters the WWF, the ratings will explode. Naz winning with a pinfall is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. My dad almost threw his remote through the TV. He says it’s all a “work” to make wrestling look legit.

User: SweetScience_Purist

This “Invasion” is a joke. 🤡 Naz using dropkicks is an insult to every trainer he’s ever had. He’s an undefeated champion, not a stuntman. If he keeps this up, he’s gonna get a career-ending injury in a “non-sanctioned” brawl. Keep the boxers in the ring and the actors in the WWF.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL’S INSIDER UPDATE: THE BEAN GAUNTLET ]]

My sources say the Big Boss Man is furious about Butterbean’s win. He’s been telling the locker room that “a round mound can’t take down the Law.”

  • June 11 (Vegas): Butterbean vs. Boss Man (BMF Rules).

  • The Odds: Bean is the favorite, but Boss Man is reportedly bringing his nightstick… even though it’s “illegal.”

[[ WARNING: The Chicago “Hell in a Cell” servers are under heavy load. If you want the live stream, make sure your RealPlayer is updated to version 7.0! ]]

*** [ WWF_UNDERGROUND_FORUM ] *** Topic: THE “CHICAGO CARNAGE” PRE-MATCH TAPES: FOLEY’S DESCENT & THE MISSING MAVERICK

[ ADMIN_NEIL ] – Posted: June 12, 2000 @ 02:45 AM

Yo, the server is barely holding on! I just got the final audio leak from the Allstate Arena locker rooms. If you thought the May results were a fluke, the energy in Chicago is different. It’s not “Entertainment” anymore; it’s a funeral march.

[[ THE FOLEY INTERVIEW: “NOBODY HOME” ]]

Location: A dimly lit boiler room under the Allstate Arena. The Vibe: Mick Foley isn’t wearing the tie-dye or the white button-down. He’s sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth with a leather mask half-on. He looks… broken.

REPORTER: “Mick, people are worried. The Commission said you have three broken ribs. Why go back into the Cell with the Undertaker?”

MICK FOLEY: (Voice is a raspy, high-pitched whisper—total Mankind vibes)

“Worried? Hehe… they should be worried about the steel. The steel is cold, but it’s the only thing that feels real anymore. The Undertaker took my pride in May, but he forgot to take my soul. In Chicago, I’m not going in there to ‘wrestle.’ I’m going in there to see if I can still feel the pain. If I fall again… if the roof breaks… just make sure my kids know that Daddy was the only one brave enough to smile in the dark.”

REPORTER: “Is Cactus Jack coming to Chicago?”

MICK FOLEY: (Suddenly dead silent. He looks directly into the lens with a cold, sane stare.)

“Cactus Jack is dead. Mrs. Foley’s baby boy is all that’s left. And he’s bringing the tacks.”

[[ THE “MISSING MAVERICK” LEAK: KEN MASTERS ]]

We finally cornered Ken Masters as he was boarding a private jet in Vegas. He looked annoyed, mostly because we interrupted him talking to a group of swimsuit models.

REPORTER: “Ken! The ‘World Warriors’ say you’re hiding from the WWF’s ‘Mafia’ pressure. Are you ducking the Chicago card?”

KEN MASTERS: (Flips his hair, laughing)

“Ducking? Please. I’m ‘training,’ okay? It’s called ‘Active Recovery.’ I’m scouting the competition from the sky. Look, I saw what happened to Gonzalez. I saw Naz using those Lucha moves. It’s cute, but it’s sloppy. I’m not ‘hiding’—I’m waiting for the check to clear. Tell Vince if he wants a REAL American hero to save his Chicago gate, he knows my number. Until then, tell Ryu to keep punching water; I’ll keep punching champagne corks. See ya!”

[[ THE THREAD: CHICAGO PREDICTIONS ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

Foley is GONE. 🧠 Did you hear that whisper? He’s officially lost it. The “Deadman” is gonna finish the job this time. Also, Ken is such a troll. 🤣 “Active Recovery” at a beach resort? He’s 100% ducking the Street Fighter investigation Chun-Li is doing.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    I don’t care if he’s crazy, Foley with thumbtacks is the most dangerous man in the world. And don’t sleep on Mad Dogg (Road Kill). If he takes the “Warrior” name from Ultimate Warrior, the 90s are officially over.

User: HadoukenKid

Ken is ducking because he knows the Shadaloo money is drying up. 🕵️‍♂️ Why else would he be “scouting from the sky”? He’s looking for an exit strategy. Meanwhile, Ryu is actually training. The “Eternal Wanderer” vs Undertaker is the match we NEED.

User: BeefSlammer69

FOLEY TALK TO MASK. MASK SAY HI. 🎭 I want to see the tacks!! If Taker lands on the tacks, he will scream like a girl. Butterbean is in Chicago too? BEAN VS TAKER IN THE CAGE!! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The “Shane vs Angle” UFC-style match is being called a “Shoot” by my sources. No scripts, no plan. Shane is legitimately trying to knock him out. This is gonna be a car crash. ]]

*** [ WWF_UNDERGROUND_FORUM ] *** Topic: LEAKED: THE “OUTBACK SHREDDER” MANIFESTO (MAD DOGG’S EXTREME GEAR)

[ ADMIN_NEIL ] – Posted: June 13, 2000 @ 11:15 PM

Yo, the 56k is struggling to download these blueprints! I just got a fax (yeah, a real fax) from a contact in the Chicago Allstate Arena loading dock. Mad Dogg (f.k.a. Road Kill) isn’t just bringing a kendo stick or a chair. He’s bringing a custom-built nightmare from the Australian indie circuit.

The Commission is trying to ban it, but since it’s an “Extreme Rules” match, their hands are tied. Check the specs on this “Outback Shredder.”

[[ EQUIPMENT LEAK: THE OUTBACK SHREDDER ]]

  • Base: A 6-foot industrial-grade steel surfboard, reinforced with galvanized zinc.

  • The “Shredder” Element: The edges are serrated like a shark’s tooth. It looks like it was ripped off a combine harvester in the Outback.

  • The “Barbed Wire Wrap”: One side is wrapped in triple-strand rusted wire.

  • The Weight: Roughly 85 lbs. It’s a weapon, a shield, and a platform for top-rope splashes.

Mad Dogg’s Note to the Ring Crew:

“Tell the ‘Ultimate’ one that in the bush, we don’t pray to the heavens. We survive the dirt. This board is gonna carve a new name into his forehead. The 90s are over. The Mad Dogg is hungry.”

[[ THE ANALYST’S “SURVIVAL” FORECAST ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

A SERRATED SURFBOARD?! 🏄‍♂️💀 Mad Dogg is literally trying to turn the Warrior into sashimi. This is ECW on steroids. If the Warrior doesn’t bring his ‘God Power’ fast, he’s getting shredded. I bet 10 bucks the match doesn’t last 10 minutes.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Warrior has survived everything. He’s gonna press-slam that board out of the ring. But yeah, “Extreme Rules” favors the younger, crazier guy. Mad Dogg is 320 lbs of Australian beef. Warrior hasn’t felt impact like that since ’92.

User: HadoukenKid

Why is the WWF allowing this but banning “Street Fighter” techniques? 🕵️‍♂️ A serrated surfboard is “legal” but a Hadoken is “dangerous”? The Mafia logic is so broken. They want the carnage, but they want to control who does it.

User: BeefSlammer69

BOARD IS SHARP. MEAT IS SOFT. 🥩 Mad Dogg cuts the Warrior like a steak. I want to see the “Outback Shredder” vs the “Million Dollar Dream.” DiBiase vs a surfboard!! 👊😤

[[ BREAKING: BUTTERBEAN VS BOSS MAN UPDATE ]]

The Vegas results are coming in over the wire! Butterbean just finished his match with The Big Boss Man.

  • The Result: Bean by K.O. in the 2nd round.

  • The Drama: Boss Man tried to use the nightstick, but Bean ducked it and landed a body-shot that literally lifted Boss Man off his feet.

  • The Streak: Bean is now 3-0. Up next? Viscera on June 18th. The “Gauntlet” is real.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m setting up the live chat for the Chicago PPV. If you want the link, you gotta have a verified ICQ number. Don’t let the “Mafia” bots in! ]]

*** [ WWF_UNDERGROUND_FORUM ] ***

Topic: [CORRECTION] THE BEAN GAUNTLET & CHICAGO FINAL PREP

[ ADMIN_NEIL ] – Posted: June 14, 2000 @ 10:30 PM

Yo, my bad on the last update! The 56k must have glitched or I’m reading the wrong IRC logs. A few of you called me out—Butterbean hasn’t fought the Boss Man yet. The “King of the 4-Rounders” is still sitting at 1-0 in the WWF after that clinical destruction of Hongman Choi. The Vegas card was just the beginning. The “Gauntlet” hasn’t officially started, but the heat between the boxers and the “Law” is definitely bubbling over.

[[ UPDATED ODDS: THE BOXING INVASION (JUNE 11-18) ]]

Vegas just released the fresh numbers. Since the “Mafia” rumors are dead and the fights are confirmed, here is where the money is moving:

Matchup Status Current Odds
Butterbean vs. Big Boss Man JUNE 11 (Vegas) Bean (-210) / Boss Man (+170)
Prince Naseem vs. (TBD) Scouting Naz is 1-0, looking for a Lucha-hybrid rival.
Butterbean vs. Viscera JUNE 18 (Rumored) Bean (-105) / Viscera (-115)

Analyst Note: The smart money is on Bean against Boss Man, but the house is worried about Boss Man’s “Department of Corrections” tactics. If it’s BMF rules, anything goes.

[[ THE MAD DOGG / WARRIOR “HARDWARE” LIST ]]

Since the “Outback Shredder” blueprints leaked, the Ultimate Warrior’s camp has been silent.

  • Mad Dogg (Road Kill) has officially checked into his Chicago hotel.

  • The Gear: Along with the Shredder, he’s requested 4 rolls of heavy-duty industrial tape and a “rusted steel bucket.”

  • The Vibe: This isn’t a wrestling match. This is an Australian “identity theft” attempt.

[[ THE THREAD: CHICAGO CARNAGE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

My bad, Admin! I was wondering why I didn’t see Bean on the Heat highlights yet. 😅 If he’s 1-0, that means Choi was his only victim so far. Boss Man is gonna be a way different test. Boss Man actually knows how to take a punch.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Doesn’t matter if he’s 1-0 or 10-0, Bean hits like a truck. 🚛 Boss Man is gonna get his badge dented. And thanks for the correction on the Warrior match—Mad Dogg is definitely the dark horse of June.

User: HadoukenKid

Ken Masters is still M.I.A. 🕵️‍♂️ I think he’s waiting to see if Naz survives June before he commits to a WWF contract. The “Street Fighters” are playing it smart. They let the boxers take the hits first to see if the “Mafia” plays fair.

User: BeefSlammer69

BEAN IS 1-0. ONE PUNCH. ONE WIN. 🥩 June 11 is Boss Man’s funeral. I’m buying the PPV just to see the “Outback Shredder.” Mad Dogg is my new hero. 🇦🇺💪

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m double-checking the medical reports for Foley again. If he’s 1-0 in May but 0-1 in spirit, the Cell is gonna be a slaughterhouse. Stick to the #WWF_LEAKS channel for the most accurate timestamps! ]]

*** [ WWF_UNDERGROUND_FORUM ] *** Topic: THE “MAD DOGG” MANIFESTO: FINAL PRE-FIGHT LEAKS FROM CHICAGO

[ ADMIN_NEIL ] – Posted: June 15, 2000 @ 11:50 PM

Yo! The Allstate Arena is basically a fortress tonight. I managed to get one last digital audio clip (thanks, Napster!) of Mad Dogg (the artist formerly known as Road Kill) as he was prepping that “Outback Shredder.” He’s not just here for a win; he’s here for a career.

Check the transcript of his final words before he heads into the “Extreme Rules” war with the legend.

[[ THE MAD DOGG INTERVIEW: “THE NAME IS MINE” ]]

Location: Loading Dock 4, Allstate Arena. The Vibe: He’s covered in Aussie-flag face paint, but it’s grittier than the Warrior’s. He’s sharpening the serrated edges of his steel surfboard with a literal rock.

REPORTER: “You’ve taken the name ‘Mad Dogg’ from a legend in the indies. Now you’re trying to take the name ‘Warrior’ from the Ultimate one. Why this obsession with names?”

MAD DOGG: (Growsls, looking into the camera with wild eyes)

“Obsession? No, mate. It’s evolution. In the Outback, if a dingo is old and slow, the young pup takes his territory. The ‘Ultimate’ one hasn’t been relevant since the 90s. He lives in the clouds, talking to spirits. I live in the dirt. I live in the ‘Extreme.’ Tonight, I’m not just beating him. I’m shredding the myth. When I’m done with him on this board, there won’t be an ‘Ultimate’ anything left. Just a Mad Dogg standing over a pile of tassels.”

REPORTER: “And the Shredder? Is that legal?”

MAD DOGG:

“It’s Chicago, mate. It’s ‘Extreme Rules.’ If it draws blood, it’s legal. Tell the little Warriors to cover their eyes. The ‘Outback Shredder’ is hungry.”

[[ THE THREAD: CHICAGO CARNAGE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

“I live in the dirt.” 🐕🇦🇺 Mad Dogg is terrifying. I’ve seen his ECW tapes—the guy doesn’t feel pain. If Warrior tries that “Spirit of the Heavens” stuff, Mad Dogg is just gonna hit him with a steel surfboard. I’m calling it: Mad Dogg wins via total destruction.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    People keep disrespecting the Warrior. He’s 90s-peak for a reason! He’s faced giants, monsters, and Hulk Hogan. A punk with a surfboard isn’t gonna stop the power of the Warrior. But yeah… that surfboard looks like it could cut through a tank. 💀

User: HadoukenKid

Ryu said a cage is a box for the afraid. Mad Dogg says the dirt is where the truth is. The “World Warriors” are all starting to sound the same. 🕵️‍♂️ Maybe they’re all training at the same secret camp? Either way, tonight’s “Extreme Rules” match is gonna make the Cell look like a playground.

User: BeefSlammer69

SHRED THE MEAT!! 🥩 Mad Dogg is the man. If he wins, he should fight Butterbean. Surfboard vs Punch! That’s the real main event. 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL’S FINAL LOOK AT THE CARD ]]

  • The Rock vs. Doink: Rock is 2-0, but if Doink uses “Clown Tactics,” it could be a mess.

  • Shane vs. Angle: Shane’s black eye is confirmed. He’s going into a shoot-fight with a broken face.

  • The Cell: Foley is reportedly refusing to wear a cup or extra padding. He wants to “feel the steel.”

[[ WARNING: The live stream link is in the #CHICAGO_CARNAGE IRC channel. If you don’t have a fast modem, don’t even try it. See you on the other side! ]]

EXCLUSIVE: Vince McMahon Reacts to Shane’s Historic Upset!

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Location: backstage at the World of Fighting Arena Date: April 16, 2000

Interviewer: “Mr. McMahon, the world is still reeling. Your son, Shane McMahon, just TKO’d the ‘World’s Most Dangerous Man.’ What is going through your mind right now?”

Vince McMahon: (Straightening his suit, eyes wide with manic pride) “What’s going through my mind? Inevitable destiny! That’s what’s going through my mind! People called me a madman for letting my eldest son step into a cage with a lethal weapon like Ken Shamrock. They said it was a suicide mission. But they forgot one very important thing… Shane has McMahon blood pumping through his veins!”

Interviewer: “But Vince, Ken Shamrock is a former champion. Shane is now the #1 Contender. Is he actually ready for a UFC title shot?”

Vince McMahon: “Ready? Look at the footage! Shamrock is lucky he’s still breathing! Ken has 90 days to decide if he wants to get back in there and lose his dignity again, or if he wants to hand that belt over to a man who actually deserves it. And as for Royce Gracie… let him wait in line! This is the era of the McMahon, and in this ‘World of Fighting,’ my son is the apex predator!”

Interviewer: “Any final words for the critics?”

Vince McMahon: (Leaning into the camera) “To all the skeptics, all the ‘experts,’ and especially to Ken Shamrock: You didn’t just witness an upset. You witnessed a hostile takeover. LIFE IS GOOD!”