WWE2K UNIVERSE

Author: Chinito Henson

THE “LAST CHANCE” LADDER: MONEY IN THE BANK LINEUP FINALIZED!

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! The “Mafia” just dropped the official list for the first-ever Money in the Bank, and it’s not what anyone expected. This isn’t just a match for a title shot—for some of these guys, it’s a Desperation Derby.

With the Super Heavyweights busy in the Titan Clash and the Light Heavyweight division locked in a tournament battle between The Prototype and Kurt Angle (winner faces RVD at SummerSlam!), the MITB has become a “Redemption Round” for the underdogs and the unproven.

[[ THE OFFICIAL MONEY IN THE BANK 8-MAN LINEUP ]]

The mechanics remain the same: Climb the ladder, grab the case, earn a shot at the Vacant Undisputed World Title. But the stakes? Life or death for their WWF careers.

  1. AGATOM (Cruiserweight): The Filipino High Flyer. He and Golimar are the only ones with ladder experience in the WWF.

  2. GOLIMAR (Cruiserweight): The masked enigma who already beat Agatom once. He’s the favorite to reach the top first.

  3. ZULU JR. (Super Heavyweight): THE HIGH STAKES. Zulu Jr. has 3 straight losses. One more and he’s hit with the Automatic 1-Year Suspension (The “Anti-Farming” Rule). This is his only way to stay on the roster.

  4. STEVEN SEAGAL (Light Heavyweight): Also sitting on 3 losses. The Aikido master is fighting for his professional life.

  5. VINCE MCMAHON (Heavyweight): Voted the “Worst WWF Fighter” in the division. He’s entering his own match to prove he’s not just a suit.

  6. SUPER MARIO (Cruiserweight): 0 wins, 2 losses. He needs a miracle “Power-Up” to get past the 116lb Agatom.

  7. EDGE (Heavyweight): The debut! He was chosen over Scott Hall to bring “New Blood” to the ladder.

  8. BRUNO SAMMARTINO (Heavyweight): The “People’s Choice” by default. After his April 1st loss to Andre, the legend is looking to prove the old school still has “Upward Mobility.”

[[ THE “SUSPENSION SQUAD” & THE WWF REMEDY ]]

The WWF is for the elite. 3 straight losses usually means a 1-year ban to prevent other fighters from “farming” easy wins off you. However, the “Mafia” has offered a loophole: Special Event Redemption. * If you win a “Special Match” (MITB, Royal Rumble, or Survivor Series), your losses are wiped, and you are reinstated.

[[ WHAT ARE THE RUMORED SPECIAL MATCHES? ]]

While the MITB is the focus for July, whispers of two other “Massacre” formats are leaking from Stamford:

1. THE ROYAL RUMBLE

  • The Rumor: 30 men. One ring.

  • The Catch: Two men start, and every 2 minutes, a new fighter enters. The only way to lose is to be thrown over the top rope and have both feet touch the floor.

  • The Prize: Usually a main event spot at the biggest show of the year. It’s a test of stamina and “Ring IQ.”

2. SURVIVOR SERIES

  • The Rumor: “Tag Team Elimination” on a massive scale.

  • The Catch: It’s 4v4 or 5v5. When you get pinned or submit, you’re out, but your team keeps fighting.

  • The Vibe: This is where “Stables” like the nWo or the rumored “Pinoy Invasion” will truly go to war. It’s about who has the most loyal allies when the chips are down.

[[ THE THREAD: THE UNDERDOG UPRISING ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

ZULU JR. AND SEAGAL ON THE BRINK!! 😱 If they don’t win this, we don’t see them for a year. That is a massive penalty. I bet Seagal tries to use a “Chair-Aikido” move to knock Agatom off the ladder.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Vince McMahon in the match he created? 🤡 He’s going to get destroyed. But watch out for Edge. If he’s as good as the scouting reports say, he might steal that briefcase while everyone is focused on the “Suspension Squad.”

User: HadoukenKid

Agatom vs Golimar II… but with a ladder! 🪜 This is the real story. Agatom knows the heights, but can he handle a 300lb Bruno Sammartino shaking the base of the ladder?

User: BeefSlammer69

ROYAL RUMBLE?! 👊😤 30 men?! Imagine Kimbo Slice entering at #1 and knocking out 29 people in a row. That’s the dream. But for now, I’m rooting for Super Mario. Give the plumber a win! 🍄💥

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Zulu Jr. has been seen practicing “Vertical Splashes.” If a Super Heavyweight jumps off a 20-foot ladder, the Dallas arena might not survive the night! ]]

GLOBAL SHOCKWAVES: THE POPE, KINGS, AND KAIZENS REACT TO THE RANKINGS

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! If you thought the Hollywood reaction was wild, wait until you see the diplomatic cables. The July 1st rankings have officially crossed the line from “sports news” to “international incident.” From the Vatican to the Blue House in Korea, everyone is debating the PFP scores.

I’ve gathered 10 more reactions from our home turf in the Philippines, plus some heavy-hitters from the global stage who usually don’t talk shop about pro-wrestling.

[[ THE PINAS PRIDE: 10 MORE FILIPINO REACTIONS ]]

  1. FERNANDO POE JR. (FPJ): > “Agatom showed true ‘Panday’ spirit in Japan. It’s not about how many times you fall, but how you get back up. But Kimbo at #1? Sa pelikula, ang bida ay nahuhuli, pero sa ring, kailangang patunayan ni Kimbo na hindi lang siya puro porma.”

  2. DOLPHY: > “Nakita ko yung listahan, tawa ako nang tawa! Bakit wala ako doon? Super Heavyweight din naman ako… sa pagkain! Pero seryoso, proud tayo kay Agatom. Maliit man, nakapuwing din!”

  3. ROBIN PADILLA: > “Utol, yung pagkapanalo ni Agatom, para sa masa ‘yan! ‘Yan ang tunay na astig. Pero yung rankings? Parang kulang sa anghang. Kailangan natin ng mas maraming Pinoy sa Top 10 para magka-alaman na!”

  4. SHARON CUNETA: > “I was so emotional seeing Agatom’s win! 😭 It’s like a Megastar moment! But the rankings… I think they’re a bit too focused on the ‘bad boys.’ We need more heart!”

  5. GARY VALENCIANO: > “Pure Energy! That’s what Agatom brought to Japan. I’m just wondering how the PFP score is calculated—it’s like a complex rhythm that hasn’t quite found its beat yet.”

  6. AGA MUHLACH: > “I’m just happy to see the Philippines on the global map. Agatom is our ‘Bagets’ in the WWF! But Kimbo at #1? That’s a ‘Miracle’ score if I’ve ever seen one.”

  7. REGINA VELASQUEZ: > “The High Flyer Agatom reached notes—I mean heights—no one expected! 🎤 The rankings are a bit scary, though. So much aggression!”

  8. VIC SOTTO (Enteng Kabisote): > “Ok ka, fairy ko! Agatom is like a magic spell in the ring. But the PFP scores? Parang ‘Eat Bulaga’—masaya pero nakakalito kung sino talaga ang nanalo!”

  9. VILMA SANTOS: > “I am a fan of the effort! Agatom, you are a Star! 🌟 But to the Mafia: make sure the rankings are fair to the small guys, hindi lang sa malalaki!”

  10. ERAP ESTRADA (Updated): > “I already said Agatom is a hero! But tell Vince McMahon—if he needs a referee for the next ‘Titan Clash,’ the President of the Philippines is ready to keep order!”

[[ THE GLOBAL POWERS: BEYOND SHOWBIZ ]]

  • QUEEN ELIZABETH II (Source: Leaked Palace Memo): > “Her Majesty finds the inclusion of ‘Prince’ Naseem at #2 rather… curious. While the Crown does not officially endorse combat sports, there is a certain fascination with the technical prowess of the Gracie family. However, the term ‘Mafia’ being used for an athletic commission is deemed ‘unsettling’.”

  • POPE JOHN PAUL II (During a Great Jubilee Address): > “In this year of the Jubilee, we pray for peace. While the world focuses on ‘Pound for Pound’ rankings and the strength of the fist, let us remember the strength of the spirit. May these ‘World Warriors’ find common ground in sport rather than conflict.”

  • KIM JONG IL: > (Reportedly watched the highlights during the North-South Summit) > “The American ‘Kimbo’ has a powerful image, but he lacks the state-sponsored discipline of a true soldier. I see Agatom’s win in Japan—it proves that even the smallest can overcome if they are directed by a strong will. I want a North Korean heavyweight on that list by August.”

  • BILL GATES (Microsoft): > “The scoring algorithm for the PFP rankings is fascinating. It’s a predictive model based on high-frequency finishing data. Kimbo’s 8.0 score is an outlier, but from a data perspective, it’s logically sound given his 100% KO rate. I’d love to see the source code for that ranking system.”

  • NELSON MANDELA: > “Sport has the power to change the world. Seeing a 116-pound Filipino find success on the same list as a 400-pound American is a testament to the diversity of the human spirit. The rankings are early, yes, but hope is never premature.”

  • THE DALAI LAMA: > “The Rock speaks of ‘smelling what he is cooking.’ We should focus more on the ‘cooking’ of the inner self. Rankings are merely illusions of the ego. Whether one is #1 or #10, we all breathe the same air.”

[[ THE THREAD: WORLD-CLASS CHAOS ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KIM JONG IL WANTS A HEAVYWEIGHT?! 🇰🇵 That is the most 2000 thing I’ve ever heard. Imagine a North Korean vs. Kimbo Slice. The PFP scores would break the internet (if it was faster).

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Did you see FPJ’s reaction? 🎬 “Ang bida ay nahuhuli.” He knows! The Rock and Austin are the heroes who get beat up for 20 minutes before winning. Kimbo is just a villain winning too fast.

User: HadoukenKid

Bill Gates analyzing the PFP algorithm? 💻 Maybe he can fix the glitch that has Ryu and Ken so low! If they want “Performance Data,” wait until the next Street Fighter match.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that the “Mafia” is actually considering Bill Gates’ offer to help refine the PFP algorithm. We might see a “Microsoft Power Ranking” update by SummerSlam! ]]

THE “PRIVATE CONVERSATION”: AGATOM FACES THE KING & QUEEN OF SHOWBIZ!

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! I managed to snag a “bootleg” copy of the most anticipated interview in the Philippines. This isn’t your typical sports sit-down. Agatom, fresh off his win in Japan, sat down with the legendary duo Boy Abunda and Kris Aquino.

Expect a lot of tito advice, taklesa comments about his weight, and some deep dives into the secret brotherhood of Pinoy wrestlers. Here is the transcript from the “The Buzz” special: Agatom: Ang Batang High Flyer.

[[ THE INTERVIEW: BOY, KRIS, & AGATOM ]]

Boy Abunda: (Leaning in, palms pressed together) “Agatom… I want to look into your eyes. You are 116 pounds. You are in a ring with giants. My question is simple… Sino ka sa harap ng panganib? Who are you when the world is watching?”

Agatom: “Tito Boy, honestly? I’m just a kid from the streets who wanted to fly. When I’m on that top rope, I don’t see the giants. I only see the landing.”

Kris Aquino: (Interrupting while fanning herself) “Wait, wait, wait! Nakakaloka ha! Agatom, you are so liit! I mean, I love you, you’re so cute, but are you eating?! Tito Boy, look at his arms! My Bimby might be bigger than him in a few years! How do you survive those Super Heavyweights? Don’t they… you know… ipit you?”

Agatom: (Laughs nervously) “Ms. Kris, eating is actually the problem! If I get too heavy, I lose the speed. I have to stay light to survive. It’s not about being bigger; it’s about being harder to catch.”

Boy Abunda: “Let’s talk about your roots. People see you in the WWF now, but you didn’t start there. Are you still in touch with the others? Sina Ugat Puno, Palikpik, Joe Pogi… are you still brothers?”

Agatom: “Always, Tito Boy. We started in the local underground circuits—bare mats, no fancy lights. Ugat Puno was like a mentor to me; he taught me how to take a fall without breaking. And Palikpik? That guy is the reason I started doing high-flying moves. He told me, ‘If you can’t out-power them, out-fly them.’ We still talk. They sent me a telegram after the Japan win. They’re proud, but they’re also hungry. They want their shot at the WWF too.”

Kris Aquino: “Oh my God, telegram?! So retro! But wait, Agatom, I have to be taklesa ha—is it true that you and the ‘Changed Man’ in Japan had… you know… a moment? People are saying the match was too close. Like, was there kilig? Or was it pure bugbugan? Kasi his mask is kind of mysterious, right?”

Agatom: (Blushing) “Ms. Kris! It was pure business! ‘Changed Man’ is a stuntman, he’s a professional. There was no kilig, just a lot of bruises. He almost knocked me out with a kick, so I had to finish him fast.”

Boy Abunda: “Lights out. Fast talk. Takot o Tapang?” Agatom: “Tapang.” Boy Abunda: “Rock Bottom or People’s Elbow?” Agatom: “Neither. 450 Splash.” Boy Abunda: “Sino ang pinaka-kinatatakutan mo sa WWF?” Agatom: “Kimbo Slice. No question.” Kris Aquino: “I knew it! He looks so maton! If he chases you, Agatom, tumakbo ka sa akin, I’ll hide you in my house! It’s safe there, I have many security!”

[[ THE THREAD: SHOWBIZ VS. SPORTS ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KRIS AQUINO IS WILD!! 🤣 Calling Agatom “liit” to his face while he’s a global star is peak Kris. But it’s cool to hear he’s still in touch with Ugat Puno and Palikpik. Those guys were the pioneers of the Pinoy underground!

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    I remember Ugat Puno! 🌳 He had that “native” wrestling style. If the WWF Mafia signs him, the Heavyweight division is in trouble. Agatom is just the tip of the iceberg for Filipino talent.

User: HadoukenKid

Boy Abunda asking about the “Sino ka?” is classic. 🎤 Agatom handled it well. But seriously, if Palikpik joins the Cruiserweights, he and Rey Mysterio would burn the arena down.

User: BeefSlammer69

AGATOM IN KRIS’S HOUSE?! 👊😤 Imagine Kimbo Slice trying to get past Kris Aquino’s security. That’s the real Main Event. Agatom is a legend for surviving that interview!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing rumors that Ugat Puno and Palikpik have been spotted at the WWF recruitment center in Subic. We might be seeing a “Pinoy Invasion” stable very soon! ]]

CELEBRITIES REACTS TO THE NEW WWF Pound per Pound Rankings: RANKING REACTION PART II

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! The forum server nearly crashed today. While the Top 10 lists are out, the biggest noise is coming from the people who weren’t on it. If you haven’t stepped into a WWF ring yet, you don’t get a score—and some of the baddest men on the planet are taking that as a personal insult.

I’ve spent the last 20 hours tracking down the “Unranked” and some of the biggest stars of the Y2K era to see what the “Casuals” think of the Mafia’s new math.

[[ THE UNRANKED TITANS: THE BIG THREE ]]

  • BILL GOLDBERG: > “You want to talk about rankings? You want to talk about ‘PFP scores’? I don’t need a spreadsheet to tell me I’m the baddest man in this industry. The only reason I’m not #1 is because I haven’t walked through that smoke yet. Vince, you keep your little list. Keep Kimbo at the top. But when Goldberg arrives, there won’t be a Top 10—there will just be me and a pile of bodies. WHO’S NEXT?!“

  • CHUCK NORRIS (Age 48): > (Calmly sipping tea in a dojo) “It’s interesting to see how the ‘Mafia’ values street fighting over discipline. I’ve seen the list. I’ve seen the scores. But rankings are like shadows—they look big until the sun goes down. I don’t need a WWF fight to know where I stand. If they want a real master on that list, they know my number. But be careful what you wish for.”

  • JACKIE CHAN (Age 39): > (Laughing while hanging off a scaffolding) “I see the rankings! Very exciting! Agatom is so fast, very good for the Philippines! 🇵🇭 But they say I am not on the list because I have no fight? I fight every day on camera! Maybe I come to the WWF and show them that you don’t need a heavy hook if you can use a ladder and a chair better than anyone else. No stunts, just Jackie!”

[[ SURPRISE! THE CELEBRITY “CASUAL” REACTIONS ]]

I polled the biggest names in Hollywood, Music, and Sports to see if they’re buying the hype.

  1. FRED DURST (Limp Bizkit): “Yo, the list is significant! Kimbo at #1? That’s the energy we need for 2000. It’s raw, it’s red-cap music. We’re actually talking about having Kimbo in our next video. Rankings are dope, keep it rolling!”

  2. BRITNEY SPEARS: “Oh my goodness, I saw the list! I’m a huge fan of The Rock—he’s so charismatic! ⚡️ But I feel bad for the people who didn’t make it yet. It’s like the charts; you have to work hard to get to #1!”

  3. EMINEM: “Kimbo Slice? The guy from the internet? Look, if the WWF wants a real villain, they should rank Slim Shady. I’ve got a better reach with my words than Butterbean has with his fists. The list is a joke until I’m on it.”

  4. SHAQUILLE O’NEAL: “I just won the Finals MVP and the Championship. 🏆 I know what #1 looks like. Kimbo is doing his thing, but if they want a real Super Heavyweight, they need to look at ‘The Big Aristotle.’ I’ll dunk on that whole Top 10.”

  5. TOM CRUISE: “I’ve seen the training these guys do—it’s intense. 🕶️ I respect the PFP model. It’s like a Mission Impossible: you either perform or you’re out. I’m watching RVD closely; that guy has movie-star agility.”

  6. JENNIFER LOPEZ: “The fashion in the WWF right now? Iconic. 👗 But the rankings… I think Prince Naseem is too low! He has the style and the record. He should be #1!”

  7. ADAM SANDLER: “I saw the list and I called my buddy Rob Schneider. We’re thinking about starting our own ranking for ‘Best Waterboys.’ But seriously, Butterbean? That guy looks like he gives great hugs… right before he kills you.”

  8. LEONARDO DICAPRIO: “It’s fascinating to see the cultural shift toward this ‘Unfiltered’ combat. 🏖️ I’m a fan of the underdog stories, so seeing Agatom get a win in Japan was the highlight for me.”

  9. WILL SMITH: “July 2000 is looking hot! 🔥 Kimbo is the Fresh Prince of the Streets! I love the energy, but I’m waiting for Bill Goldberg to show up and flip the whole script.”

  10. TIGER WOODS: “Performance under pressure—that’s all that matters. ⛳ The PFP score of 8 for Kimbo is a strong start, but like a Sunday at the Masters, it’s about how you finish the season, not how you start it.”

[[ THE THREAD: THE “UNRANKED” UPRISING ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

GOLDBERG VS KIMBO!! 👊 Imagine the PFP score if Goldberg wins his debut. The “Mafia” wouldn’t know what to do. And Chuck Norris? The guy is 48 and still looks like he could take out the whole Light Heavyweight division.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Did you hear Eminem?! 🎤 Slim Shady in the WWF would be the most chaotic thing ever. He’d probably manage X-Pac just to mess with Triple H.

User: HadoukenKid

Jackie Chan using the ring environment would be legendary. 🪜 He wouldn’t even need a finisher, he’d just trip you with a cameraman’s cable. WWF 2000 is getting way too big for just one list!

User: BeefSlammer69

SHAQ IN THE SUPER HEAVYWEIGHTS!! 🏀💥 Imagine Shaq vs Andre the Giant. The ring would literally collapse. I don’t care about the scores, I want the carnage! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Goldberg was spotted at a private airport heading toward Dallas. If he shows up at the “Titan Clash” on July 23rd, these rankings are going to be obsolete by midnight! ]]

THE “ANYTIME, ANYWHERE” ANARCHY: GLOBAL ICONS REACT TO MONEY IN THE BANK

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! The rumors of the Money in the Bank (MITB) ladder match have officially broken the internet. I’ve been tracking the “internal memos” and catching quotes from the biggest names in sports and street fighting. This isn’t just a match; it’s a “legalized mugging” for the Undisputed World Title.

Here is how the world’s most dangerous men and most competitive icons are reacting to the chaos.

[[ THE BIG THREE: THE WWF POWERHOUSE REACTS ]]

  • THE ROCK: > “The Rock hears the jabronis talking about a briefcase. You want to climb a ladder? You want to jump off a 20-foot structure just to get a piece of paper? The Rock doesn’t need a contract to be the People’s Champion. But if you think you’re going to ‘cash in’ while The Rock is celebrating a victory… if you think you’re going to catch the Great One off guard… you better bring more than a ladder. You better bring a miracle, because the Rock will take that briefcase, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!”

  • STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN: > “I don’t give a damn about a briefcase, and I sure as hell don’t care about a ladder. Vince thinks he can create a ‘shortcut’ to my title? If some son-of-a-bitch thinks he’s gonna jump me after a match, he’s gonna find out that a Stunner works just as well at 2:00 AM as it does at 8:00 PM. You want the belt? Be a man and step in the ring. You want to use a briefcase? I’ll use your head for target practice. And that’s the bottom line!”

  • TRIPLE H: > “It’s typical. Vince wants to give the ‘nobodies’ a chance to steal what belongs to the ‘Cerebral Assassin.’ This MITB concept is a slap in the face to the hierarchy. I’ve spent fifteen years becoming the best in this business, and now some high-flyer can jump off a ladder and skip the line? Fine. Let them climb. While they’re looking at the ceiling, I’ll be waiting at the bottom to break the ladder—and their legs. The Game doesn’t play with toys.”

[[ STREET FIGHTER: THE WORLD WARRIORS WEIGH IN ]]

  • RYU: > “A battle for a contract? It lacks the purity of the Fist. To win by climbing instead of striking… it feels hollow. However, I respect the courage it takes to climb so high while being attacked. I will watch, but my path remains the same: the true fight is within.”

  • GUILE: > “It’s a tactical nightmare. You’re exposed on that ladder from 360 degrees. It’s like being in a cockpit with no canopy. If the WWF wants a real ‘Air Force’ specialist to take that case, they should call a professional. But ‘cashing in’ when a man is down? That’s not a soldier’s way.”

  • M. BISON: > (Laughing) > “A briefcase that grants ultimate power? Finally, a match that understands the beauty of corruption! I don’t care about the ladder—I will simply Psycho Crush anyone who touches it. The World Title belongs to Shadaloo, regardless of what the contract says!”

[[ THE HEAVY HITTERS: BOXING & MMA ]]

  • MIKE TYSON: > “It’s crazy, man. It’s like a street fight in the sky. If you’re on that ladder, you can’t protect your chin. One punch and it’s a long way down. I like the ‘anytime’ rule, though. It’s like the streets—you always gotta be ready to bang.”

  • OSCAR DE LA HOYA: > “It’s too much of a circus for me. Wrestling is one thing, but climbing ladders for a contract? It takes away from the ‘Sweet Science.’ But hey, the ratings will be huge. People love a car wreck.”

  • LENNOX LEWIS: > “It’s a strategic game of chess, but the board is vertical. You have to wait for the right moment to climb. If you go too early, you’re a target. If you go too late, the prize is gone.”

  • MARK HUNT: > “Just give me the ladder so I can hit someone with it. 👊 If I win that case, I’m cashing it in the second Kimbo Slice finishes a fight. Walk-off KO, take the belt, go home. Easy.”

[[ THE HARDCOURT LEGENDS: NBA ICONS ]]

  • MICHAEL JORDAN: > “I heard the ‘anytime’ rule. That’s the ultimate test of a champion. Can you defend your title when you’re tired? When you’re hurt? That’s what separates the Greats from the rest. I took it personally that they didn’t ask me to be the one hanging the briefcase. I’d like to see anyone try to out-jump me for it.”

  • SHAQ: > “Man, the ladder would break as soon as I put one foot on it! 🏀💥 But I love the concept. It’s like a fast break—you see the opening, you take the shot. If I had that briefcase, I’d cash it in on Big Show during his dinner. Give me the BBQ and the belt!”

  • KOBE BRYANT: > “It’s about the Mamba Mentality. You have to be the most obsessed person in that ring. While everyone is fighting on the mat, you have to find the path to the top. The MITB isn’t a ‘shortcut’—it’s an opportunity for the person who wants it the most. I respect the hustle.”

[[ THE THREAD: MITB MANIA ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

TYSON IS RIGHT! 🥊 Imagine being 20 feet up and seeing Mike Tyson waiting at the bottom. I’d just stay up there! And Triple H sounds terrified that someone is finally going to out-smart him.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    RVD in a ladder match? It’s over. He’s the #3 Light Heavyweight and he lives on the top rope. If he’s in the MITB, he’s walking away with the case. No question.

User: HadoukenKid

M. Bison wanting the briefcase for Shadaloo? 💀 The WWF is getting too dangerous. We’ve got dictators, boxers, and Olympic wrestlers all fighting for one belt. July 23rd cannot get here fast enough!

User: BeefSlammer69

SHAQ VS THE LADDER!! 👊😤 I’m telling you, they need a custom-built steel ladder if the Super Heavyweights are in this. Imagine Yokozuna trying to climb that. The ring would implode!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Bret Hart has been training privately in a “Ladder-filled” gym in Calgary. Is “The Hitman” looking to secure a guaranteed shot at the man who beat him, Yokozuna? ]]

RANKING REACTION LEAK: FROM THE OVAL OFFICE TO THE LOCKER ROOM

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! The July 1st rankings dropped like a pipe bomb, and the fallout is reaching way beyond the squared circle. I’ve been monitors the feeds, “wiretapping” the back offices, and catching quotes from the biggest names in the world.

Some are calling the PFP scoring a revolution; others are calling it a “mafia hit” on their legacies. Here is how the icons reacted to the first official WWF-Universe standings.

[[ THE POWER PLAYERS: THE FRONT OFFICE & THE LOCKER ROOM ]]

  • TRIPLE H: > “A PFP score of 8 for a backyard brawler? You’ve got to be kidding me. Kimbo Slice hasn’t even stepped in the ring with a ‘Cerebral Assassin’ yet. These rankings aren’t a measure of skill; they’re a measure of hype. While The Rock is busy celebrating his #4 spot like he won a Grammy, I’m in the gym preparing to dismantle the system. You want to see a real PFP leader? Watch what I do to X-Pac. Then we’ll see who’s ‘electrifying’ and who’s just… irrelevant.”

  • VINCE MCMAHON: > “Look at those numbers! Kimbo Slice at #1… Prince Naseem at #2… it’s exactly what I envisioned! A global melting pot of carnage! People are questioning the ‘early season’ scoring? Ha! In the WWF, every second is a season. If you aren’t on the board now, you’re already a dinosaur. This is sports entertainment’s evolution, and if the ‘old guard’ doesn’t like it, they can find a new museum to rot in!”

  • KURT ANGLE: > “I’m an Olympic Gold Medalist! I won with a broken freakin’ neck! How am I ranked #7 in Light Heavyweight behind a guy named ‘RVD’ who does flips for a living? And Kimbo Slice is #1 PFP? Has he ever wrestled in the amateurs? Has he ever represented his country? This list is a travesty of the Three I’s: Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. I’m going to personally suplex every person on this list until I’m #1. It’s true… it’s damn true!”

[[ THE LEGENDS: BOXING, BASKETBALL, & THE “GOLDEN ERA” ]]

  • MIKE TYSON: > “I see the list. Kimbo’s a tough kid, he’s got that hunger. But PFP #1? You can’t crown a king before he’s bled in a championship round. And Butterbean at #6? He’s a wrecking ball, but he’s fighting ghosts. I want to see these guys under my lights. Until then, these rankings are just paper. When ‘Iron Mike’ steps in, the only ranking that matters is who’s still awake when the bell rings.”

  • MICHAEL JORDAN: > “I saw the report. #4 for The Rock? 3-0? That’s cute. In Chicago, 3-0 is just the first quarter. I don’t care about ‘PFP Scores.’ I care about who’s holding the trophy at the end. I took it personally that they didn’t even mention ‘The Goat’ in the crossover discussions. If the WWF wants a real #1, they know where to find me. Until then, stay out of my way.”

  • HULK HOGAN: > “Well let me tell you something, Brother! I’m #4 in the Super Heavyweights and #8 in the Heavyweights? The Hulkster is a global icon! I’ve slammed giants and ruled the world while Kimbo was still in diapers! The PFP score is a joke, dude. The power of Hulkamania doesn’t fit on a spreadsheet. But hey, if the fans want to see the ‘Real #1’ take that Super Heavyweight spot from Butterbean… then Watcha Gonna Do?!”

  • BRUNO SAMMARTINO: > “In my day, you didn’t need a ‘score’ to know who the champion was. You defended the title for years, not weeks. This WWF is a circus. Seeing these ‘street fighters’ ranked above men who spent decades in the trenches is an insult to the history of this business. Vince can keep his rankings; I’ll keep my dignity.”

[[ THE PHILIPPINE CONNECTION & THE OVAL OFFICE ]]

  • BILL CLINTON: > “I’ve looked at the data, and it’s certainly an ambitious statistical model. Seeing a 116-pounder like Agatom represent the Philippines with such heart… that’s the kind of international cooperation we like to see. As for the PFP scores being ‘early,’ well, sometimes the first hundred days tell you everything you need to know about a term.”

  • JOSEPH ESTRADA (Erap): > “Agatom is a true Filipino hero! Small but terrible! 🇵🇭 He recovered in Japan like a true ‘Action Star.’ As for the rankings… as long as our boy is winning, the math is correct! We don’t care about the Super Heavyweights—we have the heart of a lion!”

  • KRIS AQUINO: > “Oh my gosh, Agatom! It’s so nakaka-proud! ❤️ Did you see how he beat ‘Changed Man’? It was like a movie! But Kimbo Slice at #1? Is he even cute? I think the scoring is a bit ‘over-acting,’ but as long as we have a Filipino in the top ranks, I’m here for the drama! Love, love, love!”

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: The “PFP Scoring” is based on Strength of Schedule and Finish Rate. Kimbo is #1 because he finishes fights in seconds. If the wrestlers want to move up, they need to stop going to 20-minute draws and start knocking people out! ]]

JULY 1st STATE OF THE UNION: RANKINGS, RVD’S ASCENSION, & THE FILIPINO PHENOM

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! We are officially six months into the chaos that is the WWF-Universe. The dust from the “Chicago Carnage” and the international tours has finally settled enough for the “Mafia” to release the official mid-year power rankings.

From the streets of Miami to the rings of Japan, the hierarchy of combat has never been more volatile. Here is your July 1st briefing.

[[ THE LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT SEMI-FINALS: RVD ADVANCES ]]

Rob Van Dam def. Shawn Michaels (via Pinfall – June 19)

  • The Match: In what many are calling the “Technical Masterpiece of the Summer,” RVD managed to survive a Sweet Chin Music attempt and counter with a split-legged moonsault.

  • The Result: RVD officially punches his ticket to the next round. HBK looked stunned, but the respect was visible. RVD is now the #3 ranked Light Heavyweight in the world and climbing fast.

[[ THE GLOBAL INVASION: AGATOM’S REDEMPTION ]]

Agatom def. “Changed Man” (via Pinfall – June 26 in Japan)

  • The Context: After a heartbreaking debut loss to the mysterious Golimar, the smallest fighter in the WWF (116 lbs) headed back to the East to find his rhythm.

  • The Fight: Agatom faced the Japanese masked daredevil and stuntman, “Changed Man.” The speed in this match was terrifying.

  • The Finish: The Filipino High Flyer proved that heart outweighs mass. He recovered from a high-risk dive to secure a pinfall in front of a stunned Tokyo crowd. Agatom is officially on the board!

[[ OFFICIAL MID-YEAR RANKINGS: JULY 1, 2000 ]]

POUND FOR POUND (PFP)

The top of the mountain belongs to the backyard legend, but the “Prince” and the “Greatest” are breathing down his neck.

Rank Name Record Score
#1 Kimbo Slice 3-0-0 8
#2 Prince Naseem Hamed 1-0-0 4
#3 Rickson Gracie 1-0-0 4
#4 The Rock 3-0-0 4
#5 Ted DiBiase 2-0-0 3

DIVISIONAL LEADERS

  • SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT: Butterbean (#1) holds the top spot after his June conquest, with Andre the Giant (#2) and Bob Sapp (#3) ready for the “Titan Clash.”

  • HEAVYWEIGHT: Kimbo Slice (#1) leads the pack. The Rock (#2) has moved up following his win over Neidhart, while Fedor (#9) and Couture (#10) have officially entered the top ten.

  • LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT: Kimbo (#1) somehow dominates here too, but Shane McMahon (#2) and RVD (#3) are the real story. John Cena (The Prototype) sits at #8, looking for his breakout.

  • CRUISERWEIGHT: Prince Naseem (#1) and Rickson (#2) rule the technical ranks. Golimar holds #8, while the legend Gen rounds out the top 10 at #10.

[[ THE ANALYST’S DESK: JULY OUTLOOK ]]

Joe Rogan: “Kimbo Slice at #1 PFP with an 8 score is absolute insanity. 🥊 He’s dominant, but look at Rickson Gracie at #3. If Rickson gets Kimbo on the ground, that score won’t mean anything. Also, shoutout to Agatom—116 pounds of pure lightning. That kid is ‘tight’!”

Jim Lampley: “BANG! The Rock is surging! ⚡️ After the Vader and Neidhart wins, he’s the most active fighter on the list. But can we talk about Ted DiBiase at #5? He’s buying his way into the elite tier, and Savage is the only thing standing in his way!”

[[ THE THREAD: RANKING RAGE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KIMBO #1!! 👊 3-0 and a score of 8? That’s dominance. I’m glad to see RVD at #3 in Light Heavyweight. Beating HBK was no fluke. He’s going all the way to the gold.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Agatom winning in Japan is the real feel-good story. 🇵🇭 The smallest guy in the room just silenced the “Changed Man.” I want to see him vs Rey Mysterio (#9 CW). That’s a high-flyer’s dream!

User: HadoukenKid

Ryu (#6 CW) and Ken (#5 CW) are ranked too low. They’ve only had one match each! Wait until the “Titan Clash” is over and the Street Fighters start moving up the PFP ranks. 🐯🕶️

User: BeefSlammer69

BUTTERBEAN #1 SUPER HEAVY!! 🥩 3-0 is 3-0. I don’t care if he fought legends or grandpas, nobody has been able to stop him. SummerSlam is gonna be wild! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m noticing a name missing from the Top 10 PFP… Triple H. After his recent interview, I expect he’s going to go on a rampage to force his way into these rankings. Watch your backs! ]]

DALLAS DESTINY: THE TITAN CLASH CARD & THE “MONEY IN THE BANK” ANARCHY

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! The heat in Texas isn’t just the weather—it’s the friction from the WWF “Mafia” finalizing the most dangerous card in the history of the sport. We’ve got monsters, we’ve got legends, and we’ve got a rumored new match concept that is going to turn the Undisputed World Title race into a literal free-for-all.

[[ THE FINALIZED “TITAN CLASH” BRACKET ]]

Dallas Arena – July 23, 2000

Quarter-Final A Quarter-Final B
The Big Show vs. SAGAT Rikishi vs. YOKOZUNA
Vader vs. KANE BUTTERBEAN vs. BIRDIE

The Stakes: The winner of this 8-man gauntlet doesn’t just get a trophy; they get the “Monster’s Contract”—a guaranteed title shot at SummerSlam and a custom gold-plated heavyweight belt.

[[ RUMOR: THE “MONEY IN THE BANK” LADDER MATCH ]]

Vince and the board are reportedly tired of “ordered” rankings. They want chaos. Enter the Money in the Bank.

  • The Mechanics: 6 to 8 men. One briefcase suspended 20 feet above the ring. No pinfalls, no submissions. The first man to climb the ladder and pull down the case wins a contract for a World Title Match anytime, anywhere.

  • The Landscape: This changes everything. If The Rock or Kimbo Slice is exhausted after a 30-minute war, the MITB winner can “cash in” while they’re bleeding on the mat. The Undisputed Belt is no longer safe behind a schedule.

[[ THE RETURN: BRET “THE HITMAN” HART ]]

The “Excellence of Execution” is finally coming out of hiding. After his devastating loss to Yokozuna back on March 26th—his only WWF sanctioned fight this year—Bret has been MIA.

  • The Mission: Bret hasn’t touched the new era. No match against Goldberg, no clash with The Rock, and zero contact with Stone Cold.

  • The July Rumor: Bret is slated for a “Technical Showcase” mid-card match against Kurt Angle. Angle has been calling out the Hart family for weeks, and Bret reportedly wants to prove that “Olympic Gold” doesn’t mean anything in a “Pink and Black” world.

[[ JULY MID-CARD & MINOR FIGHTS ]]

  1. Triple H vs. X-Pac: (The “Best Friend” Grudge Match). Hunter is looking to vent his ranking frustrations on his Kliq brother.

  2. Agatom vs. Shao Ling: (Cruiserweight Clash). Fresh off his Japan win, the Filipino High Flyer faces the “Ninja” specialist in a battle for the #7 spot.

  3. The Hurricane vs. Golimar: (The Masked Mystery). Can the superhero handle the bizarre style of the man who beat Agatom?

  4. Scott Hall vs. Ted DiBiase: (The “Money” Match). DiBiase wants Hall’s spot in the Heavyweight Top 5. Hall just wants a paycheck and a fight.

[[ THE ANALYST’S CORNER ]]

Joe Rogan: “A ladder match for a title shot? That’s high-level madness! 🪜 If you put someone like RVD or Shane McMahon in that MITB match, they’re going to do something that’ll make us all lose our minds. And Bret Hart vs. Kurt Angle? That’s 100% pure ‘shoot’ wrestling. I’m vibrating just thinking about it!”

Jim Lampley: “BANG! The Titan Clash is a heavyweight collision, but the Money in the Bank is a heart attack waiting to happen! And watch out for Bret Hart—he’s a wounded animal. A loss to Yoko in March hasn’t softened him; it’s made him more surgical.”

[[ THE THREAD: DALLAS OR DEATH ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

MONEY IN THE BANK!! 💼 That briefcase is going to cause a riot. Imagine Triple H winning it and cashing in on a bloody Stone Cold. The WWF would burn down!

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Sagat vs Big Show is still the match I’m watching. 🐯 If Sagat wins the whole Titan Clash, he’s going to be #1 PFP by August. No doubt.

User: HadoukenKid

Agatom vs Shao Ling is going to be like a live-action anime. 🥋 I hope Agatom brings some of that Japan momentum. And Bret Hart… man, he needs to beat Angle or his legacy in the WWF is toast.

User: BeefSlammer69

BIRDIE VS BUTTERBEAN!! 👊😤 Chains vs Hooks! If Birdie uses that chain on Bean, the WWF better have the paramedics ready. July is the heaviest month of the year!

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that the MITB briefcase is currently being held in a high-security vault in Stamford. They aren’t even telling the wrestlers who is in the match yet! ]]

THE “GAME” SPEAKS: EXCLUSIVE HHH INTERVIEW

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! I managed to get 15 minutes in a private gym with the “Cerebral Assassin” himself. While The Rock is busy dealing with Anvils and Austin is throwing back Steveweisers, Hunter Hearst Helmsley is sitting in the shadows, fuming.

The “Mafia” might be focused on the Street Fighters, but HHH is playing a different game entirely. Here is the full transcript of the most cold-blooded interview I’ve ever conducted.

[[ THE INTERVIEW: HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY ]]

Admin_Neil: “Hunter, everyone is talking about The Rock’s win over Vader and Austin’s big return. Your name isn’t at the top of the ‘Rising Star’ headlines lately. Does that get under your skin?”

HHH: > (Laughs coldly while wrapping his wrists) “Rising stars? You’re talking about a guy who tells jokes to clowns and a guy who drinks beer for a living. The Rock is ‘Electrifying’? Austin is ‘Tough’? Give me a break. While they’re playing to the ‘Millions,’ I’m becoming the standard. I am the ‘Cerebral Assassin.’ I don’t need a catchphrase to be the best in this ring. If they aren’t talking about me, it’s because they’re afraid to admit that I’m the one who’s going to own this industry when the smoke clears.”

Admin_Neil: “There are rumors, Hunter… about you and Stephanie McMahon. People say Vince is holding you back or burying you in mid-card matches like the 1-on-1 with your friend X-Pac just to keep you away from the ‘Promoted’ spots because of your personal life. What’s the truth?”

HHH: > “Personal life? You think Vince McMahon can hold me back? You think fighting X-Pac—a man I’ve traveled the world with—was a ‘punishment’? It was a message. Vince knows that if he turns me loose, there’s nobody left. As for the rumors… people love to talk when they can’t compete. Whether I’m dating the boss’s daughter or I’m the boss’s worst nightmare, the result is the same: I win. I’m forced to fight my friends because I’m the only one who can handle them. It’s not a demotion; it’s a cull.”

Admin_Neil: “What about the ‘World Warriors’? Sagat, Birdie, Butterbean… the boxing and sumo guys coming in. Do they belong in your ring?”

HHH: > “It’s a circus, Neil. Sagat has a big scar and a fancy knee, but can he handle 30 minutes of psychological warfare? Can a boxer like Butterbean handle a technical clinic? These guys are tourists. They’re here for a paycheck and a headline. I’m here for the legacy. They can bring all the ‘Tiger Shots’ they want—in this ring, I am the King of Kings, and they’re just peasants visiting the castle.”

[[ HHH’S ALL-TIME TOP 5 WRESTLERS ]]

  1. Ric Flair (“The blueprint. Period.”)

  2. Harley Race (“The toughest man to ever lace up boots.”)

  3. Shawn Michaels (“The showstopper, my brother, but I’ve surpassed him.”)

  4. Buddy Rogers (“The original ‘Nature Boy’ who understood the psychology.”)

  5. Triple H (“Because nobody—and I mean nobody—plays the game better than me.”)

[[ THE SUMMER SLAM PREDICTION ]]

HHH on Hogan vs. Andre (IC Title):

“Two dinosaurs fighting over a belt that belongs to me. Hogan will do his leg drop, Andre will look big, and the fans will cheer for the 80s. But mark my words: Whoever leaves Raleigh with that Intercontinental gold is just holding it warm for me. My prediction? Chaos. And in chaos, The Game always wins.”

[[ THE THREAD: THE “GAME” COMMENCE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

HHH IS SAVAGE!! 🤯 Calling Rock a “joke teller” is a bold move. And he basically confirmed the Stephanie rumors without saying it! If he and Steph are a power couple, the “WWF Mafia” is about to get a new Queen.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    He’s right about the “Tourists” though. 🐯 Sagat vs HHH would be a 5-star clinic. Hunter doesn’t get enough credit for his technical game. He’s gonna destroy X-Pac next week.

User: HadoukenKid

The Game vs The Emperor? 🎮🐯 That’s the match I want to see. Sagat’s Muay Thai vs Hunter’s Sledgehammer. HHH sounds like he’s ready to take over the whole company.

User: BeefSlammer69

TOP 5 INCLUDING HIMSELF?! 👊😤 That’s the most HHH thing ever. I bet he ends up interfering in the Hogan/Andre match just to prove a point. Long live The King! 👑

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that X-Pac is legitimately hurt by Hunter’s comments. Their 1-on-1 match is going to be personal. Expect no mercy! ]]

LEAKED: THE BUTTERBEAN “DUCKING” SCANDAL & THE BACKSTAGE BRAWL

Posted on by Chinito Henson

Yo! I just got off the phone with a source who was in the locker room during the June 25th taping. If you think the drama is only in the ring, you’re dead wrong. The “Butterbean Blitz” has officially fractured the WWF locker room. While Bean is out here taking on legends like Benny the Jet and Gen, the active roster is playing a game of “hide and seek.”

Here is the leaked dirt on why June was so chaotic and what the heavy hitters are saying about Bean’s future.

[[ THE LEAKED RUMOR: THE “LOCKER ROOM LOCKOUT” ]]

Word is that in early June, a group of prominent WWF grapplers (rumored to be led by Hardcore Holly and Steve Blackman) held an informal meeting.

  • The Beef: They’re furious that the “Mafia” is bringing in “outsiders” and paying them top dollar to fight retired legends while the active roster sits in the back.

  • The Confrontation: After the June 1st match was cancelled, Bean allegedly walked into the main locker room and threw a stack of blank contracts on the table. He told them: “You guys call yourselves ‘Lethal Weapons’ and ‘Hardcore,’ but you’re all terrified of a 400-pounder with a hook. If you won’t sign, stay in the back and keep the seats warm for the real fighters.”

  • The Result: Total silence. Nobody picked up a pen. That’s why the “Mafia” had to call in the legends (Benny Joe and Gen) just to keep the June schedule alive.

[[ THE ANALYST ROUNDTABLE: “IS BEAN THE REAL DEAL?” ]]

Analyst The “Shoot” Reaction
Joe Rogan “Look, people are hating because he’s fighting older guys, but Bean is showing real IQ. Lifting Benny the Jet? That’s wrestling! He’s proving he’s not just a ‘Brawl for All’ fluke. It’s tight!”
Jim Lampley “BANG! It’s a collision of worlds! Bean is a wrecking ball, but the weekly grind is a death trap. If he signs that July contract, he’s a braver man than anyone in that locker room.”
Quinito Henson “Bean has the ‘Power of the Punch,’ but he’s smart to use his weight. He’s taking the ‘Sporting Chance’ by adapting his style. He’s a heavyweight chameleon!”
Oscar De La Hoya “It’s a circus. He’s wrestling grandpas for a paycheck. If he wants respect, he needs to get back in a boxing ring with a prime contender. This is making the sport look like a joke.”
Bob Arum “The WWF is running him into the ground. A match every week? It’s a death wish. Bean hasn’t signed that extension yet because he knows his value. He’s holding all the cards.”

[[ THE CONTRACT CRISIS: JULY PROJECTIONS ]]

Will he sign the “1 Match Per Week” Contract?

My sources say Bean is hesitant. He’s proven he can beat the legends, but he knows the toll is mounting. He’s reportedly demanding a “Quality Clause”—meaning he only signs if the “Mafia” can guarantee him a younger, top-tier opponent who won’t “duck” him.

Future Possible Opponents:

  1. Sagat: The match the underground is screaming for. Muay Thai vs. Boxing.

  2. The Big Show: The ultimate test of Bean’s new wrestling strength.

  3. Birdie: If the British brawler gets through customs, his “Chain” style vs. Bean’s power is a guaranteed hospital trip for someone.

[[ THE THREAD: THE BEAN DEBATE ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

BEAN CALLING OUT THE ROSTER!! 👊 I love it. Holly and Blackman acting like they’re tough until a real KO artist walks in. Bean is the baddest man in the building right now.

  • Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

    Benny Joe actually hurt him, though! 🦵 If a 47-year-old can rattle Bean’s cage, imagine what a prime Sagat would do. Bean is smart to hold out on that contract. He needs a break before Dallas.

User: HadoukenKid

De La Hoya is just mad Bean is more popular than half the boxing roster. 🕶️ But Arum is right—the weekly grind is dangerous. Bean should wait for SummerSlam and pick one big “Superfight.”

User: BeefSlammer69

BEAN VS BIG SHOW!! 💥 I want to see Bean try to lift 500 lbs of giant. If he pulls that off, give him the World Title immediately! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Birdie is officially cleared for Dallas. If Bean signs that July contract, the “Weekly War” is going to get a whole lot bloodier. ]]