CELEBRITIES REACTS TO THE NEW WWF Pound per Pound Rankings: RANKING REACTION PART II

Yo! The forum server nearly crashed today. While the Top 10 lists are out, the biggest noise is coming from the people who weren’t on it. If you haven’t stepped into a WWF ring yet, you don’t get a score—and some of the baddest men on the planet are taking that as a personal insult.

I’ve spent the last 20 hours tracking down the “Unranked” and some of the biggest stars of the Y2K era to see what the “Casuals” think of the Mafia’s new math.

[[ THE UNRANKED TITANS: THE BIG THREE ]]

• BILL GOLDBERG: > “You want to talk about rankings? You want to talk about ‘PFP scores’? I don’t need a spreadsheet to tell me I’m the baddest man in this industry. The only reason I’m not #1 is because I haven’t walked through that smoke yet. Vince, you keep your little list. Keep Kimbo at the top. But when Goldberg arrives, there won’t be a Top 10—there will just be me and a pile of bodies. WHO’S NEXT?!“

• CHUCK NORRIS (Age 48): > (Calmly sipping tea in a dojo) “It’s interesting to see how the ‘Mafia’ values street fighting over discipline. I’ve seen the list. I’ve seen the scores. But rankings are like shadows—they look big until the sun goes down. I don’t need a WWF fight to know where I stand. If they want a real master on that list, they know my number. But be careful what you wish for.”

• JACKIE CHAN (Age 39): > (Laughing while hanging off a scaffolding) “I see the rankings! Very exciting! Agatom is so fast, very good for the Philippines! 🇵🇭 But they say I am not on the list because I have no fight? I fight every day on camera! Maybe I come to the WWF and show them that you don’t need a heavy hook if you can use a ladder and a chair better than anyone else. No stunts, just Jackie!”

[[ SURPRISE! THE CELEBRITY “CASUAL” REACTIONS ]]

I polled the biggest names in Hollywood, Music, and Sports to see if they’re buying the hype.

1. FRED DURST (Limp Bizkit): “Yo, the list is significant! Kimbo at #1? That’s the energy we need for 2000. It’s raw, it’s red-cap music. We’re actually talking about having Kimbo in our next video. Rankings are dope, keep it rolling!”

2. BRITNEY SPEARS: “Oh my goodness, I saw the list! I’m a huge fan of The Rock—he’s so charismatic! ⚡️ But I feel bad for the people who didn’t make it yet. It’s like the charts; you have to work hard to get to #1!”

3. EMINEM: “Kimbo Slice? The guy from the internet? Look, if the WWF wants a real villain, they should rank Slim Shady. I’ve got a better reach with my words than Butterbean has with his fists. The list is a joke until I’m on it.”

4. SHAQUILLE O’NEAL: “I just won the Finals MVP and the Championship. 🏆 I know what #1 looks like. Kimbo is doing his thing, but if they want a real Super Heavyweight, they need to look at ‘The Big Aristotle.’ I’ll dunk on that whole Top 10.”

5. TOM CRUISE: “I’ve seen the training these guys do—it’s intense. 🕶️ I respect the PFP model. It’s like a Mission Impossible: you either perform or you’re out. I’m watching RVD closely; that guy has movie-star agility.”

6. JENNIFER LOPEZ: “The fashion in the WWF right now? Iconic. 👗 But the rankings… I think Prince Naseem is too low! He has the style and the record. He should be #1!”

7. ADAM SANDLER: “I saw the list and I called my buddy Rob Schneider. We’re thinking about starting our own ranking for ‘Best Waterboys.’ But seriously, Butterbean? That guy looks like he gives great hugs… right before he kills you.”

8. LEONARDO DICAPRIO: “It’s fascinating to see the cultural shift toward this ‘Unfiltered’ combat. 🏖️ I’m a fan of the underdog stories, so seeing Agatom get a win in Japan was the highlight for me.”

9. WILL SMITH: “July 2000 is looking hot! 🔥 Kimbo is the Fresh Prince of the Streets! I love the energy, but I’m waiting for Bill Goldberg to show up and flip the whole script.”

10. TIGER WOODS: “Performance under pressure—that’s all that matters. ⛳ The PFP score of 8 for Kimbo is a strong start, but like a Sunday at the Masters, it’s about how you finish the season, not how you start it.”

[[ THE THREAD: THE “UNRANKED” UPRISING ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

GOLDBERG VS KIMBO!! 👊 Imagine the PFP score if Goldberg wins his debut. The “Mafia” wouldn’t know what to do. And Chuck Norris? The guy is 48 and still looks like he could take out the whole Light Heavyweight division.

• Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

  Did you hear Eminem?! 🎤 Slim Shady in the WWF would be the most chaotic thing ever. He’d probably manage X-Pac just to mess with Triple H.

User: HadoukenKid

Jackie Chan using the ring environment would be legendary. 🪜 He wouldn’t even need a finisher, he’d just trip you with a cameraman’s cable. WWF 2000 is getting way too big for just one list!

User: BeefSlammer69

SHAQ IN THE SUPER HEAVYWEIGHTS!! 🏀💥 Imagine Shaq vs Andre the Giant. The ring would literally collapse. I don’t care about the scores, I want the carnage! 👊😤

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Goldberg was spotted at a private airport heading toward Dallas. If he shows up at the “Titan Clash” on July 23rd, these rankings are going to be obsolete by midnight! ]]