Yo! I just got my hands on a fax that was “accidentally” left in a copier at the WWF headquarters in Stamford. We finally have the rumored names for the Titan Clash and the first-ever Money in the Bank (MITB).
Vince is calling this “The New Era of Opportunism,” but in the locker room, they’re calling it a suicide mission. Here is the leaked July lineup that’s going to change the WWF landscape forever.
[[ THE “TITAN CLASH” FINALIZED CARD ]]
July 23, 2000 – Reunion Arena, Dallas
The 8-man Heavyweight Tournament to crown the #1 Contender for SummerSlam:
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Butterbean vs. Birdie: (Boxing vs. Chains—a literal hospital trip waiting to happen).
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Sagat vs. The Big Show: (The Emperor of Muay Thai vs. The Largest Athlete in the World).
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Yokozuna vs. Rikishi: (The Battle of the Samoan Giants—the ring might actually collapse).
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Vader vs. Kane: (Pure Super Heavyweight carnage).
[[ LEAKED: THE 1ST EVER “MONEY IN THE BANK” LINEUP ]]
The “Mafia” wanted a mix of speed, technical brilliance, and absolute madness. These 6 men are reportedly the ones chosen to climb for the briefcase:
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Rob Van Dam (RVD): The #3 Light Heavyweight and current favorite. If there’s a ladder, RVD is going to jump off it.
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The Prototype (John Cena): The rookie powerhouse. He’s currently #8 in Light Heavyweight and looking for a “fast track” to the top.
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Edge: The “Ultimate Opportunist” rumor is starting here. He’s built for this kind of chaos.
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Christian: Where Edge goes, Christian follows. They’ll likely work together… until they don’t.
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Chris Benoit: The technical machine. He doesn’t like gimmicks, but he likes winning.
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Shelton Benjamin: Rumor has it this guy’s athleticism on a ladder is “superhuman.”
THE MECHANICS: The briefcase hangs 20 feet up. Inside is a contract for a World Title Match anytime, anywhere. If you win, you have one year to “cash in.” You could jump the champion during a grocery run or after a 60-minute iron man match. The Undisputed Belt is never safe again.
[[ THE RETURN: BRET “THE HITMAN” HART ]]
After his shocking loss to Yokozuna on March 26th—his first and only sanctioned WWF fight—Bret is back. He’s been silent while Goldberg, The Rock, and Stone Cold took over the headlines.
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The July Fight: Bret vs. Kurt Angle. Bret wants to prove he’s still the “Excellence of Execution” against the new Olympic blood. He’s never fought the “Big Three” of the new era yet, and word is he’s using this match to scout his next target.
[[ THE WORLD REACTS TO THE MITB CONCEPT ]]
| Personality | The “Shoot” Reaction |
| Ryu (SF) | “To climb for power instead of earning it through the fist… it is a strange path. But the courage to ascend while being attacked is a warrior’s trait.” |
| Guile (SF) | “It’s an aerial tactical nightmare. You’re a sitting duck on that ladder. I hope these boys have their ‘Flash Kicks’ ready for the mid-air counters.” |
| The Rock | “You think The Rock is scared of a briefcase? You can climb the ladder, grab the case, and open it up just to find a one-way ticket to Smackdown Hotel!” |
| Stone Cold | “Vince wants to legalize muggings? Fine. But if you try to cash in on the Texas Rattlesnake, you’re getting a Stunner before you can even unzip the bag!” |
| Triple H | “It’s a shortcut for cowards. I’ve spent 15 years in the trenches. If some high-flyer thinks he can skip the line, I’ll break his neck at the bottom of the ladder.” |
| Mike Tyson | “It’s a street fight in the sky, man! I love it! It’s like the ‘hood—you always gotta be ready to bang, even when you’re tired.” |
| Michael Jordan | “I took it personally that they didn’t ask me to be the one hanging the case. I’d like to see anyone try to out-jump me for it. 🏀” |
| Shaq | “The ladder would break the second I put a toe on it! But I love the hustle. I’d cash in on Big Show during his lunch break. Give me the BBQ and the belt!” |
| Kobe Bryant | “It’s Mamba Mentality. You find the path to the top while everyone else is fighting on the ground. It’s not a shortcut; it’s an obsession.” |
[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that Agatom is also pushing to be the 7th man in the MITB match. Can you imagine the 116-pounder diving from 20 feet up? The Philippines would explode! ]]
Bogo ka, guys! MITB sounds like a pathetic way to climb the ladder while others are grinding in the ring. RVD is the only one worth watchin’ there. The rest are just wannabes or tag-along bums. Just wait till Ryu shows up and shows these fools how it’s really done. Pustaanay ta!
OMG, The TITAN CLASH is gonna be EPIC!!! 🤩 Butterbean vs. Birdie? I CAN’T WAIT! The WWF is handin’ out HOSPITAL TRIPS with these matches! #UnificationRules
Yo, if Mario gets in the ring with these action movie fighters, bro, it’s gonna be lit! Imagine him flying off a ladder like RVD or something 😂. Y2K is gonna be legendary, fam!