Special Report: March 2001 — The World Cup Seeding Complete
By WWF Newswire
HOUSTON, TX — The World Wrestling Federation has officially wrapped its most volatile month in history. As the promotion descends upon the Reliant Astrodome for WrestleMania X-Seven, the brackets for the first-ever World Cup Elite 8 have been finalized. After a month of brutal qualifiers from the jungles of Brazil to the shores of Samoa, the world’s most dangerous “Specialists” are ready to collide.
THE ELITE 8: THE GLOBAL LINEUP
| SEED | REPRESENTING | COMPETITOR | STATUS/NOTES |
| 1 | USA | Hulk Hogan | Currently sidelined with a training injury; status for April is “Day-to-Day.” |
| 2 | FRANCE | Andre the Giant | Undefeated in World Cup play; heavy favorite for the finals. |
| 3 | THAILAND | Sagat | The King of Muay Thai secured his spot with a surgical win in Brisbane. |
| 4 | BRAZIL | Royce Gracie | Survived a “Rubber-Man” paradox against Dhalsim to clinch the seed. |
| 5 | CANADA | Bret “The Hitman” Hart | Returning to lead the Great White North; the technical “Excellence of Execution.” |
| 6 | CHINA | Goku | The P4P #7 powerhouse; many expect a collision with the Shadaloo syndicate. |
| 7 | NORTH KOREA | Kim-Solo | The enigmatic sleeper pick of the tournament; remains an unknown variable. |
| 8 | ITALY | Bruno Sammartino | The “Living Legend” took the final spot after a grueling bear-hug win over Rikishi. |
MARCH MADNESS: THE FALLOUT
The “Prototype” Malfunction
In São Paulo, the Brazilian faithful witnessed the possible end of a rising star. John Cena, the self-proclaimed “Prototype,” fell to 1-3 after a devastating loss to the feral Blanka. Cena’s “Ruthless Aggression” was no match for the 250lb biological anomaly. Analysts suggest Cena may need to return to the developmental “factory” for a total software reboot.
The Samoan Stand-Off
The Pacific leg of the tour saw The Rock (6-0) maintain his undefeated streak in a back-and-forth thriller against the young Edge. While The Rock secured the win, the night was stolen by Goldberg, who successfully “Jackhammered” the 450lb Teila Tuli. The two titans are now on a collision course that could level the Astrodome.
The Magician’s Contract
Perhaps the most unsettling news of the month: Hisoka is officially a WWF signee. After terrorizing the mid-card and toying with the Ultimate Warrior in an unsanctioned locker room brawl, the “Magician” forced Vince McMahon’s hand. The match is signed for WrestleMania: Hisoka vs. The Ultimate Warrior.
THE “BISON” SHADOW
As the Elite 8 prepares for the tournament, the shadow of M. Bison looms. Though he sits at 0-0, his “Psycho Power” has the entire locker room on edge. Rumors suggest Bison is merely waiting for the tournament to thin the herd before he makes his move for total WWF dominance.
WrestleMania X-Seven is Only a MONTH away. “Houston, We Have a Problem.”
SHOCKING SCANDAL! See the LEAKED photos of the WWF Diva locker room here (18+ ONLY): https://open.spotify.com/artist/0nQzK3rCFnr4rDYPWHKk0h?si=3cKHDzB-SrWEURqPntWmYw
I can’t wait to see The Rock vs Goldberg! That match is gonna be LIT! 🥳 No one can stop the People’s Champ! #Electrifying
Ugh, why are people so hyped for the World Cup? I mean, will it even matter if M. Bison is lurking? THIS IS GONNA BE A FAT WORK, fam! #WWFConspiracy
You’re all just dreaming if you think Cena is ever gonna be anything after that loss to Blanka! 😂 He’s basically just a mid-carder now! #ByeByePrototype!
Dude, the whole ‘Psycho Power’ thing from Bison is just total BS, I want to see REAL fighting! I’m ready for some serious action, not mind games. #LetsGetItOn
OMG HOGAN IS GONNA TAKE THE BELT AT WRESTLEMANIA! THE BROTHER HAS NEVER BEEN MORE READY!1! BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF THE HULKSTER!!!
Bai, na-ay mga rumors nga si Hisoka kay basin naay connection sa Goku and dako nga conspiracy! Hisoka is totally gonna screw up the Warrior ah! #PlotTwist
lol can you imagine Goku vs Hulk Hogan? Like, Goku would just turn into Super Saiyan and Hogan would be like ‘Dude, what the heck?!’ Haha! ROLLINGONTHESAMEYARD LOLZ!!