ROYAL RUMBLE 2001 RESULTS

[[ THE STAT SHEET: BY THE NUMBERS ]]

JIM LAMPLEY: “What a night of absolute attrition! The dust has settled in New Orleans, and the landscape of the UWC and WWF has been altered forever. Let’s look at the record books for this historic 30-man over-the-top-rope war.”

[[ HBO RINGSIDE ANALYSIS ]]

MAX KELLERMAN: “Jim, I’m still stuck on Randy Savage. The ‘Macho Man’ proved tonight why he’s a legend. He was the anchor of this match for over 40 minutes, eliminating six men including the Ultimate Warrior and the international sensation Dhalsim. He almost went the distance, but the fresh energy of Goldberg was just too much at the end.”

JOE ROGAN: “And how about X-Pac?! He created the highlight of the night by catching an Olympic Gold Medalist, Kurt Angle, off guard and dumping him in two seconds. That’s going to be on every highlight reel for the next decade. But we have to talk about the power display—Butterbean carrying the super-heavyweights like they were luggage? He tossed Big Show and Steven Seagal like it was nothing!”

LARRY MERCHANT: “I’m more interested in the ‘Celebrity’ factor. Steve Harvey? Who knew the man had a spear and a jackhammer in his repertoire? He was hitting Goldberg’s own moves on Stone Cold Steve Austin! It’s no wonder he beat out thousands of other celebrities for that spot. The man is a natural.”

[[ THE “NEN” & TACTICS UPDATE ]]

JOE ROGAN: “Max, you saw it. The Rock survived a Spinning Piledriver from Zangief. Now, normally that’s a death sentence, but Zangief had just gone 14 minutes with Triple H. His ‘Nen’ reserves were tapped out. He didn’t have the torque. And look at Triple H and The Rock—they basically formed a temporary alliance to try and flush out X-Pac, because they realized X-Pac was playing a brilliant game of ‘fake’ fighting to stay in the ring. The ‘Cerebral Assassin’ met his match in ring IQ tonight.”

[[ THE FINAL FOUR & THE FINISH ]]

JIM LAMPLEY: “The final four: Agatom, Randy Savage, The Rock, and Goldberg. The Philippine star Agatom was a revelation, taking the fight to Goldberg with high-flying Lucha moves that had the big man reeling. But the Rock’s experience won out, using a Samoan Drop to send the smaller fighter over the top.”

MAX KELLERMAN: “The end was pure drama. The Rock had Goldberg hurt, he was celebrating on the turnbuckle—the classic Rock mistake—and Goldberg just powered through. It wasn’t luck, Jim. It was the contract. Goldberg entered at #29, fresh and terrifying. He wrestled the Rock to the apron, and the Rock’s fatigue from that Zangief encounter finally cost him. Goldberg is going to WrestleMania!“

[[ NEW RIVALRIES: THE WAR HAS JUST BEGUN ]]

1. THE ROCK vs. TRIPLE H: The Rock still hasn’t forgiven Triple-H for sabotaging him from fighting Hogan last year.

2. THE ROCK vs. GOLDBERG: The finish was too close. The Rock wants a rematch where they both start fresh.

3. KANE vs. UNDERTAKER: The Brothers of Destruction are back at each other’s throats. The betrayal in the Rumble was personal.

4. STONE COLD vs. ZANGIEF: Two brawlers, one ring. Austin isn’t going to let the Russian forget that elimination.

5. STONE COLD vs. STEVE HARVEY: Austin has a “Family Feud” of his own to settle after being mocked with his own rival’s moves.

[[ THE BIG QUESTION: WHERE IS HISOKA? ]]

JIM LAMPLEY: “We still have no official word on why Hisoka was pulled. Rumors are swirling that the Board found something in his dressing room that forced an immediate suspension, but with Chris Benoit and Rickson Gracie in the hospital, the ‘Magician’ is still the most wanted man in New Orleans.”