GLOBAL SHOCKWAVES: THE POPE, KINGS, AND KAIZENS REACT TO THE RANKINGS

Yo! If you thought the Hollywood reaction was wild, wait until you see the diplomatic cables. The July 1st rankings have officially crossed the line from “sports news” to “international incident.” From the Vatican to the Blue House in Korea, everyone is debating the PFP scores.

I’ve gathered 10 more reactions from our home turf in the Philippines, plus some heavy-hitters from the global stage who usually don’t talk shop about pro-wrestling.

[[ THE PINAS PRIDE: 10 MORE FILIPINO REACTIONS ]]

1. FERNANDO POE JR. (FPJ): > “Agatom showed true ‘Panday’ spirit in Japan. It’s not about how many times you fall, but how you get back up. But Kimbo at #1? Sa pelikula, ang bida ay nahuhuli, pero sa ring, kailangang patunayan ni Kimbo na hindi lang siya puro porma.”

2. DOLPHY: > “Nakita ko yung listahan, tawa ako nang tawa! Bakit wala ako doon? Super Heavyweight din naman ako… sa pagkain! Pero seryoso, proud tayo kay Agatom. Maliit man, nakapuwing din!”

3. ROBIN PADILLA: > “Utol, yung pagkapanalo ni Agatom, para sa masa ‘yan! ‘Yan ang tunay na astig. Pero yung rankings? Parang kulang sa anghang. Kailangan natin ng mas maraming Pinoy sa Top 10 para magka-alaman na!”

4. SHARON CUNETA: > “I was so emotional seeing Agatom’s win! 😭 It’s like a Megastar moment! But the rankings… I think they’re a bit too focused on the ‘bad boys.’ We need more heart!”

5. GARY VALENCIANO: > “Pure Energy! That’s what Agatom brought to Japan. I’m just wondering how the PFP score is calculated—it’s like a complex rhythm that hasn’t quite found its beat yet.”

6. AGA MUHLACH: > “I’m just happy to see the Philippines on the global map. Agatom is our ‘Bagets’ in the WWF! But Kimbo at #1? That’s a ‘Miracle’ score if I’ve ever seen one.”

7. REGINA VELASQUEZ: > “The High Flyer Agatom reached notes—I mean heights—no one expected! 🎤 The rankings are a bit scary, though. So much aggression!”

8. VIC SOTTO (Enteng Kabisote): > “Ok ka, fairy ko! Agatom is like a magic spell in the ring. But the PFP scores? Parang ‘Eat Bulaga’—masaya pero nakakalito kung sino talaga ang nanalo!”

9. VILMA SANTOS: > “I am a fan of the effort! Agatom, you are a Star! 🌟 But to the Mafia: make sure the rankings are fair to the small guys, hindi lang sa malalaki!”

10. ERAP ESTRADA (Updated): > “I already said Agatom is a hero! But tell Vince McMahon—if he needs a referee for the next ‘Titan Clash,’ the President of the Philippines is ready to keep order!”

[[ THE GLOBAL POWERS: BEYOND SHOWBIZ ]]

• QUEEN ELIZABETH II (Source: Leaked Palace Memo): > “Her Majesty finds the inclusion of ‘Prince’ Naseem at #2 rather… curious. While the Crown does not officially endorse combat sports, there is a certain fascination with the technical prowess of the Gracie family. However, the term ‘Mafia’ being used for an athletic commission is deemed ‘unsettling’.”

• POPE JOHN PAUL II (During a Great Jubilee Address): > “In this year of the Jubilee, we pray for peace. While the world focuses on ‘Pound for Pound’ rankings and the strength of the fist, let us remember the strength of the spirit. May these ‘World Warriors’ find common ground in sport rather than conflict.”

• KIM JONG IL: > (Reportedly watched the highlights during the North-South Summit) > “The American ‘Kimbo’ has a powerful image, but he lacks the state-sponsored discipline of a true soldier. I see Agatom’s win in Japan—it proves that even the smallest can overcome if they are directed by a strong will. I want a North Korean heavyweight on that list by August.”

• BILL GATES (Microsoft): > “The scoring algorithm for the PFP rankings is fascinating. It’s a predictive model based on high-frequency finishing data. Kimbo’s 8.0 score is an outlier, but from a data perspective, it’s logically sound given his 100% KO rate. I’d love to see the source code for that ranking system.”

• NELSON MANDELA: > “Sport has the power to change the world. Seeing a 116-pound Filipino find success on the same list as a 400-pound American is a testament to the diversity of the human spirit. The rankings are early, yes, but hope is never premature.”

• THE DALAI LAMA: > “The Rock speaks of ‘smelling what he is cooking.’ We should focus more on the ‘cooking’ of the inner self. Rankings are merely illusions of the ego. Whether one is #1 or #10, we all breathe the same air.”

[[ THE THREAD: WORLD-CLASS CHAOS ]]

User: Xx_NWO_For_Life_xX

KIM JONG IL WANTS A HEAVYWEIGHT?! 🇰🇵 That is the most 2000 thing I’ve ever heard. Imagine a North Korean vs. Kimbo Slice. The PFP scores would break the internet (if it was faster).

• Reply: Raw_Is_War_2000

  Did you see FPJ’s reaction? 🎬 “Ang bida ay nahuhuli.” He knows! The Rock and Austin are the heroes who get beat up for 20 minutes before winning. Kimbo is just a villain winning too fast.

User: HadoukenKid

Bill Gates analyzing the PFP algorithm? 💻 Maybe he can fix the glitch that has Ryu and Ken so low! If they want “Performance Data,” wait until the next Street Fighter match.

[[ ADMIN_NEIL NOTE: I’m hearing that the “Mafia” is actually considering Bill Gates’ offer to help refine the PFP algorithm. We might see a “Microsoft Power Ranking” update by SummerSlam! ]]